Guide me

Learning.

2012-02-11T18:29:00.003+08:00

Salam everyone :)
Im in my thinking mode.
So here goes...
Life as far as I'm concerned is a combination of effort and experience. Without these two essential elements, life itself may not be yet achieved or as well worth spent. Effort in a sense of devoting to what you belief and strive to work for it. For us who hold Islamic faith as our belief, embrace what the Qur'an have recited as well preached by Muslims scholars and from there we learn to live life moreover, set a dream to be worth achieving. On another note, being part of a nation might as well be worth devoting. To learn how to stay together and build the nation into a better path as our forefathers have sacrifice their life to stand for our independence. Especially in this Era when the minds have been clouded by consumerism and capitalist interest. It really have affected our pure logics and ethics.
The later one is experience which can be define as what we have (subjectively) gain throughout the lessons of life throughout living. It can be skills that you attained or some sort of knowledge gain from observation and learning. Gaining it on the other hand cannot be sum up from picking daisy in a field of rainbow fields, there are times; experience can be achieve from a struggle, pain, heartache that you wish you had never get involve first. all of this outcomes for the sake of experience.
I too, admit relate myself with what I have written above. Life was never easy for me but, I feel blessed for the journey because, I know I wont be here if my life was all golds and glitter: I might not learn anything at all.
So yeah.. that's my brief epiphany for the day. I got loads playing in my mind right now. Just to stay sane and most importantly trying to remind who I actually am in this foreign and this free life country :)

"I was lost and I drown in my own pleasure. Now, I'm just trying my best to hold the idea of 'remind' where this may help me to stay true to myself and my origins,"

Bi Iznillahi Ta'ala

Upload.

2012-02-02T10:52:00.003+08:00

Salam everyone, I'm just too lazy to edit my pictures at this moment. Been busy walking places. Our second semester have started that is accompanied by this awesome..spectacular..marvelous...weather. The ice covered a part of the pathway which made me discovering my penguin walk. The wind contradicts massively with the sun; it was sunny and bright at the same time it was freezing and windy! For a Bruneian perspective, if there's sun, there's heat and for sure you want to suit yourself with one layer but, nooooo... it's all a trick! You go out and "eek!" You feel like going in a freezer. But, it's all good... I guess my body have adapt the weather here nonetheless, I will still complain about the weather. I always do. LOL.
Introducing my new flower! A lovely orchid which is a gift from my friends for taking care of their flowers during christmas holiday. I feel really blessed :D
You can up on the top.. that is my university and also where I live. Now.. does it make sense on how steep the hills there? Going down is never been a problem. It's just going up has always been a struggle for me. I used the bus or a taxi to go up. Believe me...I was wise not to bring my heels around haha.
Oh yes! This is a picture worth keeping! My sister's friend flew all the way from Brunei to attend her graduation day and she bought 2 packs of Indo mee with her for me! Ahh... nyaman! Made me remind a lot of those days when we go back at Stabak in Manggis! I gave one packet to my flatmate because she also love noodles mind you, she's english with a chinese descendent. She never had 'our' indo mee before because, the indo mee here is quite bland. I had to add flavour into it. Terima Kasih Mun! My first indo mee of the year! Yeaaa..Alhamdulillah :D
Furthermore, I went down at the gallery exhibition down at the Art Centre. Had a nice walk looking all these lovely artwork and such... what more could have I asked? Apart from the blood sucking profit and the noisy drunk students during my sleepy time.. this awesome exhibition was nonetheless a reason to forgive all of that. I get pleasure from enjoying the fine arts they display here. To add to that reason, it's just down at the university which is a thumbs up for me! Most events for the whole town concentrates in the uni itself. Therefore, the locals do come here a lot all the time especially during weekends. Back to the point, I'm in art heaven! I really want to try and explore more about the scenery here someday..especially when summer is near. The weather was the only thing from stopping my body from actually making an effort to wake up and not covered myself with my selimut all the time!
Finally...a story I would like to share about my camera. My previous black camera was actually broken after it fall off when I was having a walk at the beach. the shop where I purchased the camera sent it off for repair and it they found out that it was broken due to liquid damage which is not covered by their warranty fortunately for me... they sent off the camera somewhere in Liverpool instead of my place therefore "in the act of goodwill" they replaced it with a new one! Cool~ it's not my color though but, it's all good. I don't really mind actually... as long I have a camera with me. I'm itching to take a good picture for my memory sake.

Well, I hope you will enjoy this video about the Chinese New Year Festival held in the Art Centre. It was on a sunday and heck there was quite a crowd there! However, apart from all stuff going on in my life; I'm counting the days to return to Brunei :) Ahh...it's still months to go but, I'm so excited about it! Salam~

Need way out.

2012-01-11T20:30:00.003+08:00

Heavy heart.
Heavy thoughts.
Trying to flee.

The month starts with 'study' right on my forehead for now. Examination is on my way and still need to polish up my assignments before submission. Thank Lord that our second semester starts next month which I means I have this January for myself. Nothing much happens so far. I would say that I'm saving up for my return to Brunei. Pretty excited about that. Haven't being to in depth on that yet :) maybe on the last 3 months before I end up my semester here. It would be probably the most bittersweet decision I should make. The fact that, application for volunteering is opening up for the 2014 Olympics in London and I might have some budget left to travel ( at some point.. I feel like I want to go to Monte Carlo or I could try going to Norway to visit my flatmate there or maybe Disneyland ) or I could just have a brief visit (for a few nights lol.) to my favourite Gadong a.k.a Labuan :) There are just so many possibilities however, I'm thinking of doing travelling after my 2nd year. Maybe.. Insyallah. Some of my Bruneians mate here are thinking of going to Paris this summer. As I said, I might joined them... maybe some day :) I just got Brunei in my head.. At least I can plan 1 year ahead before actual make it real. Nanti tah.
I bought new shades, yeay! It only cost me 3 pounds and even I convert it to Bruneian dollars, its still worth much better than the ones at Ego haha. I've found great sites that offer plus size clothes without sticking to the plain old fashions. It's not that expensive when you browse around their sale corner haha. Like seriously, I'm in shopping heaven for now haha. I only do clothes shopping once a month and that's it. I don't want to splurge much. It sucks to know that most of your allowance goes to your rent rather than your clothes and food :s
Practically, it's good to know my attitude is growing into this streetwise ghetto chick. Not in the bad way haha no lah.. Street wise when it comes to walking around this place and adapting the culture without feeling too conscious of your surrounding. Just plug some music in your ear and your done.. I'm set to go down town haha. Things just feel different when you had a time out from everyone and living by yourself for more than 3 weeks. I'm not scared to welcome people to join in the conversation and such what's more.. I have learn to eat healthier ( not saying that I ate junk food before this) I now know what to eat to fill up my tummy without relying on fast food. If you have a fish n chips corner just behind your residents... how can you resist that? Haha I remember having that 3 times a week and the portion is huge! Good ones.
Now, I'm only pamper myself with yummy food once a week if possible... really need to slow down eating all of that junk. Entah ah... I have to blame watching 'Supersize Me' documentary for this. A story about the attempt of eating Mc Donalds meal for 30 days straight made me hate processed food right now. How bout that? I'm avoiding chocolates, carbonated, coffee, sweets, ajinomoto, don't ever mention rice at all, not even interested to smoke or drink even though its within my reach at this moment. Gawd.. I feel so Gandhi right now haha. My sweet indulge would be hot chocolate, sandwich with vegan chicken roll, mashed potates and steamed broccoli and lastly, if I'm totally feel like blowing up my diet, pasta with vegan meat would be the greatest option.. Lol... I really can't wait to go back to Brunei and eat Kolo Mee and Murtabak again hahahah That's all everyone.. Salam :)

"Vegan meat taste nice at this moment...Saving up my cholesterol for Murtabak when I get back!"

Journey.

2012-01-02T18:55:00.004+08:00

Selamat Tahun Baru!!
Happy New Year!!
Flwyddyn yn hapus newydd!!
A welsh translation hahaha.. It's more complicated to say it out loud.. anyway.. Happy new year 2012 everyone!! I missed posting something before the end of 2011 because I was overwhelmed with the quite valley of my own flat. I feel really restless and I just had to do something other than blogging...something that wasting my time hahaha.
The life that I have left behind 2011 was something memorable yet laidback. I was in my hibernating state where I decided to rest for a while and let the world revolve without me and stay low being in the comfort of my family. However, everything shifted fast when I flew to UK to further my studies...it was too much for me to indulge. The fast track of the environment here was a struggle for me...just to think that I was comfy with my previous slouchy self. Uk was a real eye opener for me; foreign language, people, cultural diversity and wide variety of rules and etiquette that need to be internalize within that short term of period. Not forgetting the feeling of homesickness was aching a lot... it made me forget my innerself and principle for a while.... nothing too serious though. It was just my enthusiastic self in me was slowly dissipating with my idea of passion in life. Four months have passed by and gladly.. I have pick up what I have left behind...Slowly, I remember who I really was and things began to look so promising. I'm happy now with my life and I am prepared to endure 2012 with the challenges that comes by with it. Insyallahi ta'ala wa Bi'iznillah...
Maybe it was because of the break I had during christmas when my friend invited me to stay in with them. Away from the Uni and away from the burden that comes with it. I feel really refreshed to see another side of UK. The highlight of the stay would be me learning archery! I love it! I don't have the confidence at first and reluctant to have a go but, I cannot help from trying out new things. I was happy with my decision because now.. I know how it feel to be Legolas! Hahaha XD
On another note, 2nd January is my brother's birthday. Yep the big boy is now getting older hahaa.. I made this picture to post it in his facebook. I can't celebrate with them though. They are going to have a family dinner at Shabu Shabu with my cousins.. boohooo.. The sacrifice you need to do between study and life.
Well, that's a good start for 2012. I need to get my head straight and be focus with my study now.. haha no more Buffalo soldier anymore.. It was fun to wander aimlessly for a while until I saw how bad it impacted my state of being. I don't want to slouch for the rest of this new frigging year. I want a change to happen! Hahaha very excited with what life going to offer to me.
So, how about you my fellow friends? What are your aims and goals for this year? I wish you all the best in life and hope you gain a lot of sweet memories a long the way.. life is an everlasting mission of discovery that will eventually lead to a new you :) Take care everyone~~

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

p/s: the shoutbox is not working anymore. Just leave me your message other place :)

Yang terlewatkan

2011-12-20T05:55:00.005+08:00

Basically, this will be a two part blog that I need to update before the end of 2011. Oh Gosh! I can't believe it is almost the end of the year! Masyallah...
So, what have been doing? The usual... lol.
Not really...This post is my updates before the Christmas holiday...the week before my flatmates went back to their respective home and enjoy their Christmas with their family while us the international student decided to browse around UK by train and grab the opportunity of boxing day. While as for me.. I am not really a big fan of Boxing Day because of the fact that the meaning of that day have been altered into a shopping spree to death! Exaggerating may it seems but, there are truth in it.LOL.
So.. where to start? The picture above is the Bruneian Students of Aberystwyth Society event. We joined in the festive season by playing Secret Santa where everyone swap presents without knowing who gave it to them. It was sure fun because, we're entirely not sure about the whole thing and ended up knowing who gave the presents in the end haha! Well, sooner or later they may know anyway..I got a lovely present myself! Both from my flatmates and the BrAbs society. Double secret santa on the same day is hectic! Haha
We also went to the Student Union to support a friend of ours for his first performance in the Aber Glee club. It was an amazing performance and he was out there singing his heart out! Well done Bob (haha kenapa ku selalu jumpa org namanya bob ani hahah )
Talking about Bob, he invited us to his Christmas Choir performance down at the Old Church. I felt uneasy at first because, I have never been into a church and it feel weird for me to enter to other religious centre. However, with the intention for none other than education and entertainment; I sat and observed the festive feeling of Christmas through the melodious voices and orchestra waltzing behind. It was an honor to gain perspective about their religion as well enjoying the music :)
And finally.. hahah as the day passed by and my flatmates were about to pack up their things and go... we took some night off for a movie marathon.. I let my eyebags puffed up just to stay up late with them... and Jeanette, my flatmate quirky yet, funny Norwegian lady: played an interesting number of movies. Since she took Film and Television for her course, she really do know a lot of film worthy enjoy watching together. I don't make much fuss about what type film because basically, I watch anything as long its not too culture shocking for my level. It was a good night and perhaps we will be looking forward for more after they return back to Aber next time.
So, there you are.. the first of the two part post for today.... This 3 week holiday is something we all really need actually.. for me I need to do a lot of reflection and get back to my innerself while others need to sort out with their life and live their life they used to have before studying here. We all have our own reason and I believe they will agree that it will be refreshing to start over again after the holiday :)
See you later! Toodles and Salam <3

Tuning in

2011-12-03T08:48:00.002+08:00

It's December!
It's officially 3 months
And I am still alive :)
To tell you the truth, there are times when I feel like I'm not far from home. As if I can go back anytime I like and share every quirky moments I have here to my family and friends. As if though...but, then reality hits me and tells you're in denial. I agree upon that and accept the truth. Note taken, I am still jet lag. Whatever that means haha.
It's human for me to miss my home in odd times, I do get carried away sometimes...feeling all emo and such (refer to my previous post a few back ago haha). I have never been away from my family this long and to know that you cannot go back until the next year crushed your hopes and dreams to be in their arms again. It seems tragic but, I guess that's the sacrifice you do when you studying abroad. I can't believe that I'm saying this, I'm studying abroad (sakai mode) woah...I swear I still think Hua ho Mall Manggis and Coffee Bean is minutes away from here! Never have the sense of migrating yet. Or maybe it's because how online communication have developed made us feel closer to home; I got my facebook account activate again and I (legibly stalking) the out and about of what's happening back at home. Email and Skype is another thing to be blessed of, totally a revolution towards distance interaction. Back in the times when my lecturers studying abroad, they only manage to hear news after a month or so since they depend on postal that time. Gosh.. time do sure flies :)
Forgive me but, I do aware how much I gain weight. Don't bother at this moment. You know how bears used to stuff themselves with loads of foods before hibernating in winter? I guess I can be related to that. The cold weather is unbearable for a tropical weathered Asian like me. We only tend to have hot and wet season not this 4 fluctuating temperature weather. I need more time to adapt to the weather or what my Pa Uda said 'climatised' to the surroundings. I remember when I first step to Wales I thought I was in the refrigerator or something because heck, the chill hits my spine swiftly enough to warn my brains! So, whenever I went out and the temperature drops low; it kinda made me smile thinking "I'm still alive living in Wales!" Yeap haha.. never knew I can survive out here at all.. My ILM friends used to see me with my pashmina wrapped all over my body even in the hot weather because I find the air conditioner is too cold to my likings. But, no... I'm here with the natural coldness Allah have created walking around WITHOUT my pashmina! It something about how Allah always pushed your limits so that you can improve your own strength and such. The beauty of Islam is nonetheless amazing :)
Flatmates? Or should I call my second family alongside the Brunei Aberystwyth students (BrAbs) and course mates. They filled my lonesome with laughter and quick wit jokes. Believe me, I am not a decent English decent speaker, I stumbled upon my words and sometimes I would giggle to every word they say or kept quite with a smile curved because I cannot find the right words to say to them and if I do, it's too late. Chatting with them requires your active participation in away that being shy may not be preferred around here. Try to build some words and topic is never easy for me. It tends to be frustrating because I really want to express my joy when I'm around them. I'm just less with words most of the time. But, yes, I never dream to be in such community ever :)
This brings to something I really like to share with everyone, if you are considering studying abroad, you should be aware of different aspects:
1) Distance to London: Yes, please try to choose a Uni close to London because, this area is where most Bruneians are and you can get help in anyway possible from them and also you can save up some of your budget to travel to Heathrow ;)
2) Place to live: Renting is never been easy, it's your rite of passage of independence most practically because, this is when you will consider of PAYING the bills. The landlords in different areas demands different things and others have good relationship with Bruneians. It's pretty different from those who live in Uni accommodation (moi!) Compare to living in Uni, you need to be aware of electric, internet, water and the house rent which PLEASE try to make sure its inclusive.
3) Food: FOOD! Try not to despair.. UK got loads of halal food however, you need to ask the Bruneians or any Muslim there on how convenient it is to find halal food in that area. Yes, you can survive living as vegan and try to go online to shop (yes! there's a halal meat shop online) in the end of the day, you might felt tired to coupe with everything when you realised how much money you have spent just for food and ended buying anything from the nearest food store. This will bring you back to the first place, taking your time looking at the ingredient whether its edible and cheap.
4) Family: yes, at some point (or in my case ALWAYS) you will miss them so much so make sure, your internet and phone functions well using the UK line. I'm using 02 which is like Easi in a way.. they got loads of options here.. I don't bother to explore much...membari paning. So, anyway.. internet must always be taken seriously or if its not around, try to learn not to be homesick much :p
5) Alcohol: I had to brought this up with using a generic noun. Basically, drinking is part of their culture as to celebrate and a good way to loosen up in any areas. It can be as sophisticated as having wine or as casual as sipping beer. I cannot asked them too much of not drinking infront of me because, it tend to be consider impolite and rude. Yes, they do get drunk and at this point you will realised how blessed you are not to have a sip at all. I go out with them and I am aware it does give a wrong impression to my Bruneian mates here, I'll try to stand to my point that I will not let it flow in my body :) Insyallah. So, better be prepared for this apart from all those stuff I mention above.
And lastly, I cannot be more thankful for this opportunity of studying in field that I am enthusiast about! After a long winding road of applying and filling in forms, I have been chosen from over thousand applicants to get the knowledge I have been comfortable with. It still feels far fetched to know I am actually back with my study and not in my room being an online geek haha. Which reminds me, my youtube channel will be updated as much as I can lay my hands on it. Will try to document much memories as much as I can possibly can.... Salam :)

Non-responsive heart

2011-11-29T09:19:00.005+08:00

Greetings my dearest,
How are you?
Thank you for reading :)

That's the first thing that comes out of my mind, I always have these 3 paragraphs of random sentences as an introductory to my post. I seriously don't know what's happening in Brunei as if what's new about my family and friends. I only got the chance to update it using all the social networks available.
I have to admit... I cannot coupe up with blogging at this moment. I do have all the time I need since most of my module doesn't require much time in class and such inf act, my subject is one of the most laid back schedule ever...LOL. First years never do much pressure on you not until you have started the second year then... everything will squeeze your head to the dry pit. Totally. However, despite of my less demanding life, I hope I can squeeze as much information and memories about this lovely town. The more I live here, the more I realize...I have found a lot of similarities that made me feel closer to home. The people are lovely and friendly, you can just greet and smile at them without hesitant not forgetting, you can walk around the town without feeling insecure whether you will get lost because in the end you will find your way out since this town is so small.. you actually have walked all over it haha. For example, I usually use the bus to go back to my flat (I just can't walk my self up yet.. the hill is just too steep for me) and it cost me less then 2 pounds per ride.There are quite a number of buses around and you have to catch the right bus that goes to the destination you favoured. I preferred to use the Arriva bus number one or two because both of these buses go all around the town including my campus and flat area. It is very convenient especially when the weather is too cold for me to walk back home. YEs.. with a temperature that can reach 1 degrees celcius sometimes... I wave my white flag and rely on the cozy heated bus to bring me back home haha.
Assignments are also one of the reason I don't blog much recently. My mind is full with it and I surely don't want to mess it up with doing last minute work...Being in a degree level requires thorough analysis about certain issue with the proper way of acknowledging infos quoted in your essay. Believe me, I would find it easy if it doesn't concentrated on welsh history and such. I'm not welsh enough to go through this haha.
So far, I have learn to adapt the culture here... haha.. it's funny because, I didn't practice much in my own country. Here, they always say 'Cheers!' as to saying thank you or take care, see you then. It's a very simple way to acknowledge that person without having the fuss of finding a polite word to them haha. Kes malas lah ni. As to relate to courtesy, I really have to applaud them because they have high respect towards the elderly. Everywhere you go, all the elderly are given a priority since most of them which I would say 50 years and above do their own grocery shopping and driving (60 is much more appropriate..) with those white hairs and wrinkly skins...you thought they will be more better off at home having their kids to assist them but, no... they are self-dependent bunch of elders. Trully make me feel so ashamed for being a sleepyhead. And another thing...plastic bags for grocery and such have been charged 5pence ($0.05) each in Wales specifically therefore, you will see everyone would bring their own bags everywhere! They don't bother to use boxes or their own bags to carry all the items. Amazing, they are totally committed to keep it green as much as possible.
Is it not obvious that I will atleast express my homesick in some sort? Haha yep, brace yourself.I made a vlog recently about how things that use to be taken for granted becomes something important when your not in your own comfort zone. I miss the comfort food i use to have back in Brunei. It heightens my craving due to the fact that I cannot eat rice and meat needs to be carefully chosen before consuming it. I was only left with the option of pasta and bread most of the time... I had to cook my own noodle that i bought from the local supermarket that for sure feel bland and tasteless. I had to add certain ingredient to get the same flavour like way back at home. There are times I feel so lazy to do all the fuss that I ended up buying fish and chips somewhere. IT's everywhere and it's the only option that I have no doubt of its halal content and fulfilling at the same time.

Gosh life is way different when you are far from your home... I will share more of my thoughts next time but, for Abg Hussin and others who doesn't have any access from facebook, I leave you with the links to my albums of my days here in Aberystwyth. Posting the pics here might be lengthy and time consuming therefore, I put up in some place to make it more accessible haha.. salam :)

CLICK ON THE PICTURES TO SEE THE ALBUM :D

It hurts.

2011-11-11T19:13:00.003+08:00

Inda ku tahu ahh... The homesickness kicks in really bad today!! Maybe it was emotion but, then what ever it is.. it really hurts.. Being lonely is not a major problem to me but, not being in my own comfort home with my family having lunch together or doing all the cooking and dish washing is killing me right now.. I cried while I eat alone in my room thinking the good days I had with my family and friends filling up our stomach while watching tv or talking about nonsense or heck arguing about pointless thing and laugh non stop afterwards until my mum marahi because she got irritated with it. It seems nothing to you but, when you are living in your own aboard away from your family knowing that you wont be seeing them not atleast mid of next year...it is so excruciatingly painful!!! I miss my family so much and my cats too.. I miss my friends and my besties..hanging out places where they have cheap foods yet so succulent. Wasting money on watching movies every week and get your gum stuck by that bits of popcorn you ate or having a nice nap after a long day going out and woke up feeling so drowsy to the extent that you went sober after getting drunk (that's what I observed from my mates not based on self experience)
The idea of going abroad is nonetheless greatest thing that happens to me so far but, sometimes I want a time off some point of any month to see my family and pour my sakainess to them and bought things for them.. Urgh. it sucks. IT SUCKS! The feeling sucks at this moment. However we all know.. this is just another phase to endure..please pray for my strength and courage to be strong being here by myself. I MISS BRUNEI :"-(
p/s: I'll be alright later.. this is just one of the post when you feel like pouring it out. A temporary state of mind.. or feeling. Salam.

Running free

2011-10-31T17:12:00.002+08:00

Another post for today
I'm not good with updating
Gosh life....
Here I am.. finally made an effort to fill up this precious blog of mine. I would say I am not in great shape for the last few weeks. Coughing up by the cold and unpredictable weather. I'm not saying that I'm complaining.. I'm just insisting that the weather do change abruptly without any of our consent. If I had a one layered top for class, the afternoon will somehow become really chilling that it brought shivers to my spine and If I bought my coat with me, it became sunny for no reason.This is the one thing I admire most about this Wales people. They know how to adapt the weather much more better to us. I mean for a 4 seasons country, there is a lot of factors they have to take in considerations. Brunei only have hot and wet season.. yes I know we have the advantage to adapt to hot weather more then them but, seriously.. we have to applause to them for being this.. hahah one of those days when I feel so amazed by this town.lol
So far my life has been about lecture, assignments, internet, eating and enjoying life here. I realised that as much as I am so laidback about foreign culture and such.. I have to admit there are a lot that I need to learn about the etiquette here. I'm the only asian (and Bruneian) in my dorm which totally made me so black sheep however, I have the greatest dorm mates ever because they really made me feel home with their wacky personality and such. Really brought a smile everyday!
I do am aware that I haven't update much.. I apologize for that.. It's not easy for me to settle down in a sudden after living in Brunei since you were born and residing for 3 years in Wales. It took me ages to adapt to my own country...how can I be that fast to involve myself with the culture here? Haha I do feel homesick especially thinking that I wont be back to Brunei until next year (If I get lucky that is) or not I will have to get myself cozy until these 2 years.Whatever it is.. it is not easy! I constantly have this dream that this is just a holiday that will be over soon and I can return to my own country and my home in this few weeks or so. Totally not good. Oh.. I'm just trying to be optimistic. Or is it sarcasm let me be this hopelessly childish? I don't know~ Hope everyone is well.. I miss all of you.. I miss holding my cat.. oh cat!

Nonetheless.. mind you this is just one of my random thoughts I guess.. I do enjoy my life here, we just had a night out for halloween despite of the cold weather, everything is fun including the leftover foods that last us for the whole week haha.Need to start with decorating my room though. Just to give a sense of belonging or identity. It feel so...blank.LOL okay.. toodles everyone :D I stop blabbing now...salam~

Tampered mind

2011-10-17T17:10:00.003+08:00

Totally not good.
I should post more
But I good news!
I'm back with vlogging!!! Yeay!!! I wont be as miserable as I thought I would be haha.. i bought myself a new camera and I start recording stuff for my youtube channel. It's a relief to be back. I finally put the matter to an end. Well, kinda.. I still need to fix my mic in my laptop.. it's totally stressful to know I can't repair it myself! I've tried browsing through google and look up any options available but, it was still in vain! Urgh. Can someone shed a light on this?
Not forgetting me activating my facebook.. ohh..umm.. what's my explaination to this? Do I owe you an explaination, I think so.. yes, I do because I used to make a huge fuss about this. But, yea...here I am being plunge in the FB world again. It is more like a hunch I would say. Something told me (well..screaming more likely)to get into fb again, and one day.. I did. I had to apologize to everyone for being dormant for all those months and then..my sister told me that my uncle was in a coma... I cried when I knew this but, imagine if I haven't open my fb yet.. I couldn't receive the news any sooner than that. I feel blessed my decision and since then I let it open just to be sure the update. Alhamdulillah he is recovering slowly that's a good thing. We will keep praying for his health from time to time.
My class have started 2 weeks ago so that means, I'm starting the Uni student life now. I wont be that lazy-plump-internet geek sitting comfy in her bed anymore.. no wait.. I am on my bed in my room.. hahaha it just don't feel the same. There are times I feel like I can go home tomorrow or the next week. More like a feeling that I'm in a holiday and I will return to my own home in the few weeks time btu, then I realized.. my journey is no where near to the 2nd month. I still got a long way to go. The homesickness kicks really hard by then. LOL.
So before I ended this precious yet pudgy post of mine.. I present to you a view from my window.. totally wicked! I'm on the top floor up on the hill! Woohoo! Salam :D

Without you.

2011-10-08T04:39:00.003+08:00

Got to realize
A lot of things
Adapting is not one of it...yet.
Here we go... finally I feel much more settle down after the end of Fresher's week and now I understand what that is all about. They really know how to welcome students here like seriously... Just for that one week, you will begin to familiarize with the whole situation here such as the campus, the people, the town and also the weather. Amazingly, they are such a friendly bunch. Really willing to help when they can... just that I'm not really keen with their social pub life. Oh well, that's what people said culture clash I guess.. Alhamdulillah despite all of the persuasion and embracing their culture, I still can resist myself with the drinking part. Insyallah I hope it will not be a problem for me in the future :)
My course has started now which means a lot of studying will start to pile in from weeks in time. It's good though that my days at MTSSR give me a solid foundation towards what the course have to offer here. Therefore, I might not be that lost as I assume I would be however, reading is one thing I should improve here from time to time. They do a lot of reference which is crucial to be acknowledge. Will try to upgrade on that.
Another wonderful thing that I'm blessed of here is knowing my fellow Bruneians friends which made me less homesick. Apparently this year, a lot of our students have been approved to further their studies overseas and the total number of Bruneian students have increased by assuming 30% in particularly in Aberystwyth. I learn to know them better hopefully this will leads to a beautiful friendship from time to time, amin..
I also realize another thing.. have you ever look at magazines with all that mat salehs as the model for an advertisement and you were wondering that " Nah, it's all photo manipulation.. no one do look that damn perfect," Well I did thought of that too and here I am... admiring the mat salehs because they DO look like what the media have perceived them (or maybe they have infused with what the media have offer them? Maybe..) Especially those who are from Bulgaria and Poland my gosh... damn bui.. why are you so melting hot! (Focus liha.. belajar eh!) Ahaha...it's just harmless fun to do some cuci mata haha. Europeans are an eye opener for me!
That was eloquent of me ahaha.. anyway, One thing that you don't learn in Brunei compare to here is that, they tend to use public transportation more rather than using their own car. The fact that it is a small town with limited space to park around, they can only rely on the such system to move around.. or another healthy option is to walk. However.. as maybe I have mention before...this town are located at a hills and bukits which means walking might be difficult for some people and when I say 'some people' it refers to me. Haha I had the worst time walking around with blisters but, alhamdulillah...as much I got foot sores everyday, I began to love walking more and using the bus if I feel tired. Hopefully by the time I'm over my one month residing here, I might consider walking up to my campus more. Insyallah.On another note.. no matter how gloomy or sulky I am.. that feeling will vanished completely especially when I'm on the bus. I just love the town so much... the scenery is breathtaking and the buildings are worth observing. The architecture if the houses and shops are adoring.. In that specific aspect.. you will never stop admiring it. If that doesn't impressed you much, how about watching the sunset at the beach which is 30 mins down the town by feet. Get soaked by the cold breeze and soothing waves while eating your fish and chips? What's more to say!
Nonetheless, I miss Brunei a lot.. sometimes my mind wanders thinking about home a lot and suddenly I got snapped back to reality and ended saying "Where am I again?" Gosh.. I still couldn't believe from one little decision brings me to this long journey to here. I miss you Brunei :") but, I want to make sure that I achieve my dream first. Chayo! Salam everyone...
p/s: I activate my facebook again.. and the pictures above are solely from my friends FB (I'm sorry I didn't ask for your permission, I hope you don't mind. Just let me know alright?)

Up and Down

2011-09-29T16:36:00.003+08:00

The beginning.
In the two extremes.
What's that?
During my stay at Brunei Hall last week, a dear friend by the name of Kamilah (just finished her Masters and about to return to Brunei that week) refer UK as a country with two extremes. I agree upon that. The fact that there is no such thing as neutral here; you only got too hot or too cold. This also can be apply to the people in a way, you got too hot or too weird haha nah..just kidding.
The last few days or may I say my first week in Aberystwyth was beyond my expectation. Don't EVER be fooled by the map and pictures you have look at. The flat surface is just a facade of its steep hill places. Surprisingly, my campus was located around it too. Apparently the shortest way to got there is down that steep hill and turn left to find out another hill to be climb too. Leaving my breathless and sweating like a sauna customer. Timkaiya people??? Atleast someone should remind us to practice at Bukit Shahbandar first before enduring these haha. On the brightside, the scenery is totally lovely and it's windy most of the time therefore you wont be smelly and sweaty at the end of the day. lol!
Oh yea... you can expect the town is down the hill. WAY down and again the fact that the scene is too beautiful to be ignored you just can't just stop walking. At first, I expected this town will be totally rural with least shopping places and such however, I was darn wrong. It's totally packed with it! You got sales everywhere and to exacerbate everything, you will get discount when you show your student card! I had to remind myself screaming not to be tempted by the 70% sale at some shops where they got my size like everywhere!! Timkaiya (T_T" ") this is too torturing for me haha nah.. what I'm trying to say is that this town has a lively cheerful environment.
You can find fish and chips everywhere and gosh the portion is 3 times larger than in brunei... even I need a few hours to finish it. On the otherhand, chicken and meat are not Halal at all. We can only purchased it to this restaurant named Shilam.
Oh the University? It's great!! I totally in love with the place. Eventhough yes.. your feet feel so sore from going up and down the hill... I just couldn't stop smiling just to see the ocean which is visible from the Uni here. It's too lovely to complain. It's the element that made me excited to be here. Mind you we are still in our orientation week, class wont start after next month therefore, we just went around the Uni just to get familiarize with the buildings and such. I took the liberty to go to the Art Centre where the cinema and art gallery are located (just beside the Uni library!) Oh gawd...I think I can persuade myself not to be excited by everything here.
The National Library of Wales is located just below the University, I haven't got the chance to go in yet. But, my senior told me that we will have a tour to the place next time, I will not miss that opportunity for sure. And also other places too... I need to sort out my banking here first. It's very hard for me to go around without feeling insecure bringing my big bag. Now, before I end up my post today, let me introduce to you my room mates :)
Haha...we are like an international clan in one floor. They are amazing, really made me less homesick and such. Ryan there is so good with cooking and a few nights ago he cook curry. Ofcourse I can't eat it eventhough he offered to me some. But, the spicy fragrant smell made me remember C.A Muhammad when i had murtabak feast. Can you imagine, it almost made me in tears haha. Amazing.
Lastly, I would like to say Happy graduation to my sister Norol yeay!! Finally she have graduated in Bachelor degree in Brunei Studies. Too bad I'm not there to celebrate with her. Congratulations everyone :) May this day will bring you closer to your dreams, Amin. Well, that's all for now. I seriously need a camera! No matter what.. it is a necessity for me right now. It's good to know the price is quite cheap and I believe it will be worth the investment within this 3 years time so, yeay.. soon all these pictures wont be as crappy as I'm having haha. Can't wait! Salam~

UK | Day Two

2011-09-26T01:54:00.003+08:00

Will try to update
Please bear with me
There's too much things to do
And updating is not the easiest thing for me right now. I'm still trying to settle down and do unpacking from the first day I arrive in Wales, it's just so hectic not forgetting the fact that all the administration office is way down hill from my dorm. My feet got so wobbly huhu

Well, I can't type much, got to go now (you see how busy I am?) I will get in touch with all of you maybe within next month the earliest. Miss all of you..

UK | Day One (London)

2011-09-22T12:11:00.002+08:00

Okay this is going to be my disorganized post everrrRR... RR.. ...brrr it's freezing here :(
Inda wah haha.. I just arrived in London and rest in Brunei Hall for now. I'll be heading to Wales on the 23rd with the rest of my friends here. Pretty much my mind is still numb and just say still jetlag from the flight (However the food was great, I got noodles! wawawa) However arriving to Heathrow, the immigration officer was really grumpy.

" I called you a few times already, are you a student?"
" I'm sorry, it had been a long flight."
" You should listen, how can you study when you don't listen?"

Chop sana sini

"..that's all..(mumbling)"
" Is that all? " I asked because, we were to be prepared for a some questions and showing documents.
"....a few minutes ago I said that's all, and now you asked me again...you didn't listen again.. how can you be a student, when you didn't listen? bla bla bla"
I was like whatever...not even saying welcome to London kah? Baik sudah orang mau masuk ke airport membayar gaji durg ah.. wah wah wah so I said
" Wish me luck! :) " Haha..
Anyway, there are some pictures from Dubai Airport when we do our transit there. I was amazed by the huge ness.. it's like a big shopping mall combine with an airport.. Amazing! We didn't manage to buy much there because apparently our flight was in 20 mins or so. We had to go downstairs on the end of the building just say going to the Mall to Pasar Malam within that time.. urgh.. amazing.

Well, pretty much it was long day.. I checked in to the room to find out there's actually people already inside it so, I had to ask for another room and drag ALL my luggage to the next room. My body is all aching right now and the weather is unpredictable; the wind is cold as a 16 celcius airconditioner but at the same time, the sun hit your skin and it's all hot :( why are you so moody?? Haha
That's all from me now. Thank you for my ILM juniors for passing by here :D ehehe... sori eh if my blog seems kinda 'revealing' especially with my theme and all. It's just a background haha. Kirim salam arah Sir semua for me :)
And to others, I will try to update you from time to time if possible because actually I'm using an internet connection from another building huahahaha. Brunei Hall only provide basic things. So, practically I only get the chance to go online when there's connection available huhu...
Honestly I keep asking myself, "Where am I? Can someone remind me what am I doing here again?" Adui.. everytime I wake up, I keep remembering I'm still in Brunei in my room with my cat waiting downstairs meowing for food. Urgh need to wake up more often now.
Salam everyone!

Salam semua.

2011-09-20T07:47:00.004+08:00

Satu perjalanan akan diterokai,
Satu kehidupan akan didalami,
Satu insan digerakkan qalbi,
Untuk menjadi sempurna disisi Rabbi.

Salam everyone, today is the day. I'm off to UK :"-)

p/s: I'll try to update when I have the chance, so till then... goodbye and take care :)

It's time.

2011-09-15T18:41:00.008+08:00

Hey all :)
Today I'm going to share with you.
Bismillah.

Oh gosh... I don't know where to start. Let's go straight to the point shall we? I was awarded a scholarship from Ministry of Education to further my studies in BSc Econ Information and Library Studies in Aberyswyth University, Wales in United Kingdom. My flight is on this 20th September around 8 ish. Alhamdulillah...terlerai sudah :)

So practically, I have less than a week to spend some quality here in Brunei. I have start packing too. Hmmm.. the reason I'm posting this is because, I planned to reformat my laptop and save all my documents in my hard drive. I need to clean this before I do that. However, I'm eager to share this good news with you so, yea.... To Alaiku, Bilz.. now you know :) To Abg Hussin, haha terima kasih, thank you for the greetings and kad raya. To all my friends.. I'm not ready to say goodbye yet. I don't want to activate my emo mode now. I tend to get so emotional at times like this. I remember I cried my heart out on the last day of my days in MTSSR. Kasian si Noney cuba pujuk but, it's something I can't control. Honestly, I'm very fragile. It's something I can't control. Hahaha..A big thanks to my ex lecturers who give me the permission to have an 'informal sharing session' yesterday. I was quite touched by the speech given by them and the support was far beyond comprehensive. I really have to apologize to my lovely juniors because, I talked too much I guess... haha I was too excited to share, I was too happy! Amazingly, I didn't have any nervous breakdown like I used to. I guess doing vlogging really worth the effort :)
The day didn't end there, my friends and I went to MOE where as for my matters, I want some confirmation on my flight. Alhamdulillah, they have issued the ticket and able to submit it to me. I also got an email about my accomodation therefore, I went to settle that in the afternoon. So basically, everything was 99% complete. I only have to wait the final call from MOE and the gratified Tuesday. I am absolutely speechless...
Apparently, I was in no mood to go home so, Jura nad I went to the Mall to assist me with some shopping and movie time. I met Fidz too! Oh goshh.. I really miss her! I feel really heavy to let her go when I told her about my flight. No more Escapade for me *sigh!* The day went fast and I didn't waste any of it, we went places where I want to remenisce my childhood back. Thank you Jura for accompanying me, I know how lalah you are when you got home but, it was surely memorable to share that day with you ;)Well.. that's all from me. I'm not sure when will I post my next post, I hope I can squeeze some before I flew off UK. Terungkaplah sebuah cerita, bermulalah satu perjalanan. Bismillah.

Look and revised.

2011-09-10T13:42:00.003+08:00

Nice GIF
Bjork never fail to amaze me
Had to post it!
Hi everyone, another post to be decorating this blog for today :) Still thinking when is the right time to tell everyone my so-called 'story' that I want to share with you all. It's not that I don't want to. Just that, I'm not sure myself. If I blurted it out too soon...who knows there will be changes in time and details, misunderstanding may occur and I don't want that to happen. The reason why I'm pointing this out is because, my friends and my relatives have asking the same question for the last 2 weeks and I know they kinda feel left out. No.. I didn't mean to. I will let you all know when I'm ready to inform. So bare with my delay haha. Bilz.. alaiku... thank you for stopping by in my blog. Somewhere next week will be the proper time to end all this discretion :)

Moving on into something more serious issue. I bet most Bruneians have heard about the tragic death of 2 little children that really put a huge impact to all of us. We feel their loss and the pain of losing such innocent children because of the driver's carelessness. Takziah diucapkan kepada keluarga penuntut, semoga roh anak biskita dirahmati dan aman disamping orang orang yg mukmin. Amin.

I really couldn't stand knowing our own little ones injured (or in this case died) because of something that were took for granted. I feel sorry though for the driver. Because, she is facing a hard time being responsible for the children's death. I don't really know the real story, as usual people heard from someone they know and somehow the real fact become a more exaggerated version that leads to false statements so... I only depend on what the news have officially provided.

So now, every authority are getting serious with children's safety in school to the point that they want to install CCTV to secure the place. Oh I see...(skeptical Liha is coming out now. lol) wow... that is so soon of you, what a great idea.... why haven't you think of this before? Oh yes, is it because nothing bad such as death have happened before? Or maybe because... it is only a waste of the government's budget to apply any devices and proper safety facilities to every institution especially for the children? Or could be because NONE have ever made a proposal in terms of building construction, staff education, safety & security and other significant traits that can be sustainable within the duration of 20 to 35 years or so? Or possibly because no effort were made AT ALL when obviously children will play freely in places where the adults unaware of?

So, if a tragic incident happens for example a child drowned in nearby river, will the area will be put a cctv? Or what if students drowned in Kg Ayer while on their way to school, will the bridges will be installed with cctv? Or maybe a child die of starvation as he/she was trapped in a secluded stor room as the child play hide and seek, then will a cctv installed in the room? Oh how about if a driver hit a child in the school compund, will a cctv..oh yeah, they just plan that one. Wow really nice.

Come on everyone, no matter how many gadgets and security you stuffed in a school or anywhere you want to keep the place as safe as possible...those incident will eventually happen. Why do we have to spend more money when these facilities should be installed a long time ago! There is also one thing that should be installed....a brain. Frankly speaking, to develop a well educated population includes a certain degree of exposure towards relevant information. You need to distribute safety guidelines for home, school and workplace to the public. Pfft. Why am I speeching all of you with this? Everyone practised this everyday, didn't they? No? *Pfft!* That's the problem!

Everyone are so busy to ensure a better living but little that they know, a lot of the simple things have been taken for granted because no one reminded them on how important it is and of course the authorities play an crucial role to get the message out there. A well built society depends on them where if everyone have a well defined idea on safety, education, communication or survival basically, of course....bad events can be avoided or at least reduced. It made me pissed off to know that our country are like waiting for something bad to happen to take action. Urgh. Apakan? Please lah...! Malasku.

Well, hey.. I'm not blaming them only. We all have our parts to ensure a secure future for the next generation. So don't be ignorant. Make the first step.

Close My Eyes

2011-09-07T07:02:00.004+08:00

Listening to the 90s music,
Boyz II Men...
I love the era..gosh.
Forgive me for being sentimental. I'm not having a great week but, glad to say I'm managing the emotions well. Insyallah. The first week of Syawal was lovely though. I was really into connecting with my relatives and my old friends. Usually I didn't pay much attention to every place I visited but, now. I took extra observation and embrace the vibe anywhere I go. What mostly grab my attention are babies!! Oh my Lord... why are they so cute and cuddly?? I cannot resist their adorable-ness, I just want to hug and make myself silly just to hear them giggle...haha. My cousin Abg Irfan & Ka Hazel have a new addition in their family; a cute girl named Fira. What's so funny about that time is that, her mum showed Fira to me and I start baby talking like crazy haha. Then Abg Irfan asked me about my updates and suddenly Fira started to look frustrated and cry. She was hoping for me to continue talking with her! Haha so I calm her down by saying "Yes, I know.. Beyonce is pregnant! woohoo~" Okay. dumb of me. But, we all laugh haha.
*Sigh!* I wish the cheerful mood don't stop there. I wish I can laze around a month or so. I wish I can rewind back my time with my classmates. I wish I can get my cat back. I wish I can stop the time for a while and enjoy what I'm having all this time before I continue with my life.

I wish.Oh yea... I miss Labuan so much. As much that Island is just a developing town pack with free tax purchases...The soothing sound of the wave and the welcoming wind just never failed to make feel so heavenly. Better yet, it made you escape from your life a few days and no one bothers you at all. My mini sanctuary (or I would say my mini Gadong haha)
Entering the month of September really put me in a different environment. Maybe because I have reached the end of my executive holiday (huhahaha) and going to start with a new life in less than 3 weeks made all this emotions playing around. I don't know what to do. At some point of your life, you can prepare a monthly schedule of what you plan to do with your life and feel secure with it. I can't. I don't know what next month brings for me. My head is so blank. I don't know what to expect other than praying nothing bad will occur. I took a risky decision and obviously I feel like waiting for my execution right now. Don't bother about me exaggerate my unpredictable future. I'm just worried with that pinch of insecurity lurking through the window.
Life uiii life. If only you can be lay in a calender or something similar.
Ngalih ku bah... However. however. hooooowwwwweeeveerrRRR.... I got all the support I need to face my reality next month. I absolutely look forward for a challenge and excited how messed up my life would be haha. Not that I want to. It's better to prepare for the worst than never.
I'm going to end this conversation with this vid I made yesterday. Not for youtube though. Just for my Google Plus and my blog. Sometimes I got turn off by the copyright infringement laid in the youtube system. They can detect any song you insert which ruin everything you put an effort to. Yea...legally, it's the user to blame for not coping with the terms and condition and I try my best to adhere to it. I really do... kinda. But, there are time I want to share with all that copyright stuff with everyone. I don't mean any harm and certainly I don't wish to steal their credits for this. If only consumerism isn't this complicated... But, yea.. enjoy the vid. Hope you have a lovely day. Take care :) Salam~

Rayaness!

2011-09-02T11:35:00.003+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya!!
Happy September!
Welcome Rayamber~~
Gahh!! less update for the last month's entry. This is not good liha. I should have approximately 365 post annually and look how many i've got? Ish ish ish, procrastination is starting to mingle around.
Hi people, I'm back!
Hi my fellow youtubers, I wont be seeing around for another week or so :s
Hi my lovely friends, i miss all of you and I'm gonna miss you more huhu...
I wish a great Aidilfitri celebration to my muslim family and friends, selamat hari raya maaf zahir dan batin. Ku pohon keampunan jika perkataan dan perbuatan ada menyinggung perasaan selama terjalinnya silaturrahim.
I have like another week to reveal my whole discreet story that i am eager to tell everyone. Not now. Not now. Brunei is joining with the rest of the Islamic beliefs to this auspicious month of Syawal. A month to celebrate our journey through Ramadhan. As for now, we have ended our fasting month and rejoicing the beauty of unity and refreshing start of life. Obviously Ramadhan have taught all of us a speck of life's lesson that we usually took for granted. It's either about relationship, poverty, sharing, respect and self control in every aspect of our daily life. Nothing will be in vain if we took that lesson and apply it to our life for the rest of the year. I have learnt mine and I hope to improve from time to time alhamdulillah.. how about you?
Basically during this festive season, Bruneians will have the opportunity to visit their relative from all over the country. since the 3 days holiday started, no one are going to miss the opportunity to come by their loving and miss family who live far from their neighborhood. Just to know their updates and rekindle the bond that need to be strengthen from time to time. Oh gosh... It's good to see my cousins and friends again. my time is almost reaching to its peak :s
However, on the eve of 1st September, my sisters and I headed to the capital to have a late night dinner at Tamu Selera. Ada orang tesliur nasi ayam penyet haha. I never tried it before in my whole life and when we ordered, I found out this other booth have Indo Mee Ayam Penyet in their menu!!! Oh they made my dream come true!!! Yeay! I have erase that from my what to do within 30 years list! lol. It's quiet good and the portion is large. nyum! Anyhow.. as the clock strikes 12, we sang happy birthday to my sister as she is official 24 years old! haha great times. Somehow, other people may think we were like a highly-hypered pack sitting around at the waterfront. Whatever. What's life without taking a risk? There were no cake though until the next day when we headed to KB to visit to her boyfriend's house. Her boyfriend surprised her with a blueberry cake while our family were chatting a way with his. Haha sweeet! Soon to be family lah dikatakan :p
Well, that's all from me. I wish you have a lovely day and good luck for everything you do. Wish me all the luck in the world too my fellow readers because....I really need it :"-)
Salam!

All minds end well.

2011-08-24T23:54:00.003+08:00

Seriously, I'm out of pictures!
Had to recycle some old ones
Webcam's not working :-/
I screwed up with the webcam setting last month living me 'webcamless'. I kinda alter the settings and reinstall over again which I failed to make it work properly. Hence leave me with 'yes-to-video-no-to-taking-pictures' Whatever, I was planning to reformat my laptop after I buy myself a good HDD within this few weeks. Remind me to ask them to install my webcam again.lol.
So, how have you bee up to lately? I wish you a very happy Ramadhan Al-Mubarak and hopefully our effort will be rewarded by Allah (swt). Insyallah. What's more... I did some shopping myself while handling unfinished business with MOE. I'll be heading down there again tomorrow and hopefully this time...it help with my abnormal sleeping pattern haha. I cannot rest until I am sure everything goes smoothly. amin amin. Oh Lord, give me the strength!
Since it's the beginning of another school holiday and the starting point for families to do a scavenger hunt to every shopping centre in Brunei, perhaps it's better for me to stay away from such areas. First: I'm not so keen with crowded places and second: traffic congestion really kills the mood. Maybe I was being impatient but, I believe I wont enjoy my day to spend more than one hour to find a parking spot... totally not cool.
I have uploaded a video through my youtube channel just to tell my youtube friends that I wont be posting vid in this next few weeks. I was not in the mood to do all the youtube ritual like I used to do everyday. Most of the time I skip the essential parts such as commenting and rating my favourite videos. It's no fun not to be in the community but, being in a position of securing my future... I had to put it aside for a while. Who knows I will be back with better stories to share? We'll see :)
As the festive season of Syawal is lurking in a very near distance, my mind start to reminisce the past a lot. Truth to be told, it did made me cry. Looking back the old times.. I miss it so much. I miss playing kite with my dad and my bro at the Airport Lama parking lot (which is at the JKR area) untill dawn. I don't know where did my dad had that idea haha. Great times. I might be posting more of my old pictures now and then but, I certainly wont post pictures when I hit puberty...I'm saving you from getting yourself a nightmare here! Haha.
Not forgetting to mention, my family and I had a family photo few days ago. I can't wait to see the framed pictures later! It was the second time we had a photoshoot in a studio. The previous one was way back years ago and I was not hot that time.. Haha still not hot now but, better than before I guess (perasaaan!!) Okay okay.. I'll stop talking now.. you might be annoyed when I start to be vain about myself. I couldn't help it! I love being me hahah. It really made me love my friends, relative and life itself more :D Salam!

Inspired.

2011-08-20T10:53:00.004+08:00

I stumbled upon this tumblr of this indonesian beautiful lady and I really love this particular post she typed in random. Visit her tumblr here and for sure it's worth browsing :)

Ketika sang aku pun berdoa

Hi Tuhan, Lama tak berbincang lama.

Aku yakin, Engkau selalu tahu update terbaru tentang kehidupanku.

Tuhan, Ada yang hal yang ingin selalu kutanyakan.

Apakah bahagia itu tulus? Apakah tak ada bahagia yang cuma mampir doang?

Apakah tak ada kecewa yang cuma 0,1mm??

Apakah tak ada sedih yang berbobot 0,001 mg??

Tak adakah cinta yang selalu sama dan ada untuk 1 orang?

Tuhan, Dalam sebulan terakhir, banyak sekali kejadian-kejadian semi luar biasa. Cerita sahabat, kerabat, saudara dan rekanan.

Tuhan, Tak bisakah manusia hidup tanpa keegoisan?

Tak bisakah manusia hidup tanpa kepura-puraan?

Tak bisakah manusia hidup di dunia yang indah tanpa kemunafikan?

Tuhan, Satu yang tetap kuyakini hingga kini. Aku mencintaimu setulus hatiku, dari dulu hingga kapan pun.

Dengan kadar yang selalu bertambah setiap saatnya. Karna ku yakin, Engkau itu NYATA.. :) Amin

Oh niew (slang)

2011-08-19T01:33:00.004+08:00

Oh dear, oh dear...
Sometimes life can be a b*tch
But, not always :)
It's very funny that at some moments, you have tried your best to be as careful as you can and plan your journey ahead as meticulous as you could possibly be. But, what have fate installed for you will always happened. Just like 2 days ago, I was informed that my appointment with British High commissioner will be on Thursday. I need to take some pictures and copy some documents as well the most important thing is to find out where the location of the building was. I was totally blurred out!
So the night before Thursday, I scouted to Photoplus to took a passport size pictures of myself. I drove off to go to the nearest ATM and went back to parked my car but.. BUT..BUT... the shop closed down as it was end of their shift and I was still looking for a parking spot! In the midst of a desperate situation thinking that I wont be able to get my pictures before 9am (since my appointment was at 9.55am) I went to another shop and they were about to close too. I tried to explain my problem and persuade them over and over again until the end, they had closed down pretty darn late to print out my pictures. I feel so guilty though.. they were not that pleased but, I was thankful they were able to tolerate with it. Oh Lord..
The reason why I need that pictures is because of the requirements stated in the document. If I failed to provide sufficient documents or come late for my appointment, I had to reschedule it online which I had to wait till next week and this may delay my progress. Oh my.. you cannot imagine where my stress level was at that moment.
The next day, I prepared the documents and went to the ATM and headed to Bandar straight away. I was 1 hour early I guess. I parked at the Yayasan basement and find myself wandering lost inside the complex trying to find the exact location. I stopped at The German Embassy instead (-_-") again.. I was blessed the security guard helped me out and I got there and able to complete the matter smoothly. Alhamdulillah...
As I was about to drive off away from the parking lot thinking how life started to feel less tense...somehow.. somehow... I heard this screeching/ thudding/breaking sound from my left rear of the car. I had turned the steering too soon that it hits the corner of the wall!
I HAD SCRATCHED THE FREAKIN CAR AND BROKE THE RIM COVER OF THE TYRE!
Tell me that was just my imagination because my brain went blurred again. I had to explain to my parents and see how much damaged I've done. I was upset the whole morning and exhausted too. Basically, I had to lay down and rest my head. It was too much for me to indulge in one day.
Whew! Glad to get that off my chest, I'm fine now...I'm not sure about the price I should pay for the car. Hopefully it doesn't exceed my budget.
On the other hand, I have rekindle my love towards food. I had to! I cannot make diet as an excuse for now because I know I will miss all the foods available next time. Especially during Ramadhan when you can find local foods everywhere. I was eating not to feed my temptation but, to feed my memories. I want to remember how succulent and yummy the food was when I munch in my mouth. Let me be blessed with all this common gratification for now..soon everything will be a distant memory huhu...
And also, I found some old pics! Below is a picture of me when I was 1yr old I think. I remember that necklace. It was my favourite but, sadly I lost it. It's a red jade that I always sucked on it instead of my thumb. I do notice that I had books with me since this early age and mind you that was no kiddie books. It was actually a science encyclopedia that my dad bought for his collection. I don't know why it was with me. Honest!
Oh about my dad, I found his pictures too! I love this one :D This is so awesome.. I never see my dad being that laidback haha.. The moustache is still there though hmmm...nice right?
Well, that's all from me. I certainly need some rest for this week. I freaking hate to see car congestion as well places packed with people. Seriously, my eyes couldn't handle it. Better to stay at home for a while. Toodles!
P/s: Hi Amall if you're reading this :D Miss you loads dear~ take care alright? Besties, when are we going out? Abg Hussin... hahah menyaya banar bah abg ani, pacah ketawaku saja hehe~

Point Out

2011-08-11T23:41:00.005+08:00

It's official now.
The agreement has been signed :)
Which means...complete confirmation.
Okay now, I believe it 100%. I guess MOE have gave me the green light. Alhamdulillah... as for what? Just be patience my patron readers. I will announced it when the day come. For sure, it's not something to worried about. I cannot celebrate much because, honestly I have a lot of thing to be manage regarding to this. My close friends already know about it so, I got nothing to bother much. I just hope I can see them before my time is up. Good thing I will be around for Raya! Haha.
Despite of the blurry story I keep blabbing about, have you watched the news lately about the UK riot? my gosh.. it's so terrible! It's been a few days now and I just hope all Bruneians are safe because whatever this so-called thugs are doing is a menace rather than a defense act. I feel so sad for those innocent who got caught up in this situation that cost their life. I salute for those who stand up infront of this thuggery and defend their properties and rights. I respect to the Londoners who decide not to get involved in the riot and be a good change to their neighborhood. Bless all of you.
As for the looters...it's easy to blame you for everything but, I feel sympathize by your living condition. You feel as if your life have no certain future which made you to rebel against the system. I too are not satisfied with the system that are cast in the world but, I know for sure a riot is certainly not the right answer. They wont gain respect from the societal life and damage the trust everyone have left. Of course, no one wants to be born in a community with build up disadvantages that halted their prospect of getting better living. No one wants to know their life will not be as beautiful as the media perceived. No one will accept their fate as a low wage worker for the rest of their life.
My smile was wiped completely every time I change the channel to the news. The burning, the looting, stealing, mugging... is that your amazing plan? People were injured and numerous innocent people were affected. As much as you want to challenge the police administration with your followers... involving civilians who got nothing to do with your plan is lower than the humiliating shame.
How dare you took pride for your action when your so called idea have cost life of someone's beloved relative.
How dare you.
You have let your beloved people down.
Congratulations.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Enough with the thoughts for now. I'm trying to calm myself down... yes I'm scared and I'm freakin worried for relatives there and all people who live in constant fear. Just give me some time to recover. I'm not saying that I 'm mad on the riot. I just hate seeing broken hopes. Salam.

Questions resolved.

2011-08-06T06:06:00.004+08:00

Enjoying the Ramadhan season,
Serenity at its best
Peaceful at its finest :)
Rest assure, I'm doing my best to finish up some matters before September comes. But, I put some emphasis on doing my daily house chores. who knows I might miss them dearly :)
The only thing that can entertain me despite of all these 'works' would solely belongs to music. Nothing beats the rhythm and the lyrics which beautifully synchronize to create an amazing work of art that nonetheless makes a great impact to those who listens. Any singers or so called 'artist' express word about a speck of life's journey from all angles which listeners can relate. It made us entangled with all of these emotions to the extent that its significance part it play in our life became prominent. Simply saying...Music becomes a huge part in our life.
I'm babbling about this because at this moment, I have wrapped myself with music that gives me empowerment and revelation. Honestly, I took my music seriously. You wouldn't find me pumping up the volume to songs that only have an entertainment value: nice to listen but holds no meaning at all. That is why I prefer to go online and find my own music to listen to rather than passively believe the music provide by TV and radio are more better ( I can not state 'the media' because the internet itself is a form of medium in providing music too) I'm sorry if my words offended your perspectives about music but, that's my opinion. We all have one, right?
I literally resent music that only become a product of pop culture. It's all typical and the main reason it flourish at first hand is because of how catchy the beats are. Malay/ Indonesian music used to be authentic and pure talent and now I can only hear is a rerun of every version. As for western pop music.. should I say more? Most of it only touched about sex and party. And do we have to talk about the music video? Oh gosh... you get to learn about biology and sociology without attending school. Haha
However, I did emphasized the word 'most' which means.. not all are unworthy for listening and sometimes we do need to listen to 'mindless' music but, I can lay a few dollars to bet that those songs will not last longer than the moon cycle. There are the few that express about life in their own definite words. At this moment, The cript and Lupe Fiasco are my favourite artists to listen to.
When it comes to good music, I cannot deny it... these two are awesome! The Script always have their own way to talk about love and life. The lyrics just hits at the right spot and the beats are astounding. I really don't care whether I'm not in tune with what 'the society' prefer to listen. In fact, most of my playlist is not available on radio in general. For me, if it doesn't hold a good meaning attached to it, it's not worth to stick to it more than 2 weeks or so.
Haha I really cannot ignore my principle when it comes to music...I just had to pour it out here. It's hard for me to listen to the radio currently without bumping into crappy music. I do acknowledged that all of this artist does have talents.. I just wish they can stay true to their root rather than following what the trend says. Its hard to find authenticity when you keep changing your style just because everyone loves it. Wtf with the idea of being inspired? All I can see is just incoherent identity :s Whatever. Anything floats your boat.
Well, I'm back with Futurama love. It sucks though due to the fact that most of my CD are scratched so I couldn't see the full episode like I used to a few years ago. Urgh. A message to be learn here is NOT to buy counterfeit products if you want to have your own collectibles.
Well, that's that. I wonder how my friends are doing right now? Have a nice day everyone :D Salam~

Incognito

2011-08-02T22:56:00.004+08:00

Happy fasting my friends!
Embrace the beauty of this holy month,
Lets make the best of it :D
Alhamdulillah...we are given another chance to live in this auspicious month. A month of fasting and unlocking the beauty of Ramadhan through practicing what Allah have given to us; the holy Quran and teachings from our beloved prophet Nabi Muhammad (pbuh). May everyone will gain berkah and better perspective in life, Amin.
As for me.. the woes never did seem to dissipate. I don't think I can take all this MOE matters that light as previous. I went to RIPAS to do a medical check which I absolutely have no idea how the procedure goes other than people remind me to go to counter one to submit the form. I had to wait for more than 45 mins since it seems that there were a lot of students are trying to complete theirs before Ramadhan. My mind was practically blank and I got no overview of what medical check is all about. I was basically a 'virgin naivetress'. lol.
However, beyond my expectation and totally out of the blue, I saw this guy who look so familiar submitting his documents for medical check too. It was Kash! Oh my god, my senior from MD :D we were quite surprised to bump into each other there haha. He had completed his Masters last year and got a job at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. He was about to be posted at Jakarta for 3 years. Woah.. I was so amazed. I told him about my purpose for the medical check and he was excited haha he helped me in giving an overview of the medical check procedure, giving advices and tips about a lot of things. Atleast I gain more information about it. Alhamdulillah, I manage to find my way through the hospital. Thanks Kash and all the best with your life :D
As much as I want to smile, other matters were bugging me that time, sample for urine test? Seriously? Are you freaking kidding me? I had to give a sample of 'no 2' if you know what I mean. Yes, I know it's just one of the procedure.. I was kinda freaked out that I had to go home and do the work there because I really couldn't 'focus' haha.
Another thing I realised throughout my days enduring MOE matters, I keep stumbling upon my past which made me reminisce my old days. I met old friends, such as the last friday, I bumped into one of my junior from MD and she told me she was engaged with my friend! I was so happy! And not forgetting when I had the briefing at Maktab Sains hall last month, nothing much have changed since the last time I was there participating events with my fellow MDians friends. It sure brings back memories :"-)
I don't know why I'm going through this memory lane phase. Whenever I go out, there will be something that made me remember the old days. I don't mind, it's good to look back and see how much things have change for the better. What baffled me at this moment is why now? Let time reveals it all when the time comes I guess *sigh*
Well, that's all for now. I'll try to keep up with blogging soon. It's no fun not to do artwork :( Toodles!

" Selamat menyambut bulan Ramadhan yang mubarak, pertingkatkan amalan dijiwa, nikmati keindahan beribadah, semoga kita menjadi orang orang yang lebih baik disisi Allah. Amin "

Blogideo

2011-07-31T09:22:00.003+08:00

Will post another later (writings most precisely)
Salam :D

First Face.

2011-07-26T20:51:00.003+08:00

How everyone doing?
Salam :)
Put a smile on that face okay?
Sometimes I wonder about rhetorical questions...does it really mean to made us ponder or just trying to display sarcasm? I'm asking because, I realized I have asking people common questions but, it somehow bounce back at me. Am I okay with all of this things happening in my life lately? I have never thought of making this far although I was determine to make an effort for it. What will become of me when I actually be in an environment that is so familiar yet I never had set foot on it ever. I thought I was giving myself a break from the hectic schedule from last week but, no.. my mind had set loose and wander in a realm of uncertainty. Yes, thinking seems harmless at first glance. Imagine having your brain working overtime with less sleep since yesterday when I 'm supposed to rest from it! Oh dear Lord.
My brain became less productive to work on arts, I seem less interested to do photoshop, blogging, Vlogging, Updating, Replying my inbox messages... almost everything that used to be so dear to me seem unappealing. I couldn't see it as a sanctuary anymore. I really hope this is just a temporary phase. I cannot lose the enthusiasm. That's my life we're talking about here!

Do I sound melodramatic? I should be.

As for right now.. I feel so hollow inside. Not in a matter of relationship and such (I'm happy being single right now...when the time comes, Allah will open my heart to him) hollow in a sense that my life doesn't have a purpose. A significant event to look forward to or the idea of somewhere... people are depending on our contribution in their life. I lost it. I miss the feeling of fulfillment just to be there for people or assisting in something and again I'm not implying that I feel lonely. I've always love having my own company. It's when you can spend some quality time embracing what you have achieved throughout your life before you go out and mingle with the world. But, now.. seriously.. I feel so numb inside. What does that mean? It's freaking me out!

My heart feel saddened but, nothing beats more compare to the people of Norway. A series of killing had occurred and killed numbers of youth and civilians. My early reaction was a whimper followed by tears rolling down my cheek. As the interview the survivors and showing all this footage of the scene. I couldn't stand to look at it. Damn you high empathic level. I feel the pain and their sadness when they mourn during the memorial. Parents, siblings and friends cried and prayed together. Who can stand seeing their heart broke. Who would expect a simple goodbye become the last. Who actually were aware the chances of their loved ones to be in a horrific massacre? I send my condolences to all of you dear Norwegian...

At the same time, Amy Winehouse was reported to be dead. When an amazing talented singer is no longer with us...we tend to feel the impact in all of us especially those who adored her. Of course what everyone was talking about is the death were related to her drug addiction. Some stated they saw it coming while others still wait for the final result from the doctors. If it's true she was beaten by her addiction... don't take it lightly...it shows even significant people with means and power to change their life all around cam still succumb into addiction. Please respect her death and let her be. It's time for her to have her peace now. You will always be missed Amy...

I'm in no position to mumble more. Let my poem grasp the next of it:

A soul finding a place to stay,
Mindless and lost in its own translation,
None seem to be okay,
and okay is defined by none.
Old memories blaze before her,
It warms the soul and soothe her smile,
It feels comfortable and home.
Like a blankie to a child.

A sudden poof erase it all,
No more warmth wrapping her soul,
Being halted by a mighty wall,
A glistening voice whispered:
"No more visit dear child... no more."

Ed Sheeran - You Need Me, I Don't Need You (Official Video)

2011-07-20T19:32:00.001+08:00

EFFing AWESOME :D
I share it in my tumblr and I'll share it again in my blog! Oh you know I love it so much. Toodles everyone.. going to this mini hiatus for now haha..Busy with reality, busy with my mind. busy with my future :)

Shine

2011-07-18T21:59:00.002+08:00

Just went to the briefing.
So much to indulge
So much to understand.
Time passed by so fast and I understand that I should learn to accept what is going to happen within these few months ahead. To tell you the truth, I was fighting with my mind thinking on possibilities and hopes..trying to be in denial to the extent it hurt so much to accept it. You may not understand a single word I say but, simply saying... I'm trying my best to snap back to reality and believe what the documents and the letters that were given to me this morning. We will be having our Pre departure course tomorrow for 4 days. It's good to know that some familiar faces are in the same boat too :)
I wont make it official until the MOE officers said so. You will be seeing me blabbing a lot of things in metaphors and pun. Forgive me for that. I'm just not entirely sure to share it with you all. Not now..hope you guys understand.
Another apologies for not being updated like I used to. My Youtube channel and my blog activities have slow down this month. I'm just not in the mood to be enthusiastic with my virtual world when reality is knocking hard on my door. You get what I mean? Hope not. lol. Urgh again ... me and my metaphors.
In addition to that, I'm not in my finest moment emotionally. Suddenly this heart became brittle with my surroundings. I smile sadly to everything: the sun, the trees, the highways, shopping complexes, people and cafes... places where I usually passed by. My emotions have become really unpredictable nowadays even just today, I was handling my documents with James Hon with Melissa happily and just when I was about to end the session. She asked me "Why do you look unhappy?" I couldn't give any reason other than uncertainty. Gosh.. curse this emo state haha. I'll be fine. I just want to write it all out in this dear online journal of mine.
On the contrary, I want to congratulate all my friends especially Atul for becoming the first ILMers who able to pursue her studies to ITB (^_^) I'm so proud of you!! Not forgetting my dear CSTians; Noney, Sara, Keenah, Dnyy, Yam, Myza, Ihsan, Rash, Adi, Najib, Ha'adi and others that I didn't mention here... congratulations!! I'm so happy for all of you! I wish you all the best with your studies and hope you succeed in HND course with flying colors :D I really miss all of you. Good Luck!
I think that's all for this post. I couldn't let myself sleep late because, my morning needs me to be up earlier than my usual timing. Not for this week for sure. Hopefully I can update more with better contents for all of you. The only thing that is recent and better to be stare it is just my Tumblr! Oh Lord...

"Yesterday, my little cousin Azrin and his siblings sleep over at our house.
I asked him "Azrin.. boleh babu belayar?"
He said "Indaaaaa..."
Tell me why my heart became really heavy to hear that?

Read me.

2011-07-14T22:09:00.003+08:00

I'll just make this brief and simple.

I haven't top up my credit yet so, I couldn't message anyone of you at the moment but...

MOE just called me and I will be attending a briefing this 18th.

:)

To Hamni: just check you email please. I tried other ways to reach to you masa ani haha... sandi bah aku ah...!

To Amall: I'll see you on Saturday hahaha.

To Jura: Keep it up with the effort, Nurul is helping me out right now Alhamdulillah.

To Atul & Wanie: Please apply lagi coz dapat sekali jalan sama si Jura :D

To Abg Hussin & Abg Bob: Abg!! Berkat doa kita, MOE telipun! Haha. Ada ku update nanti lagi.

To my friends that I haven't mention here: How are you? I miss you guys :"-D If you still want to upgrade your level, Next year apply di Politkenik. You all are given a priority :D

Lots of love,
Liha.

P/S: Today is too much to handle emotionally. I need some rest right now, toodles!

Trust vaguely

2011-07-13T22:59:00.005+08:00

Return to base,
The Eagle has landed.
Not in great shape though.
Gosh, I really wish this life can put on hold and let me breathe for once. Urgh. someday I will. Insyallah. The life of this eccentric mind mostly consist of working out everyday things we took for granted. I didn't remember when was the last time I had a great time after I'm off from the census campaign. A new me just want to make the best out of life but, its hard when you are still in your old environment. Trying to balance it out...one day I'll work it all out. Don't worry.
Current updates about life around me...hmmm.. I have watched the Malaysian 'Bersih' Operation a few days ago and I was not impressed with what the media have display for the public. That's why I usually surf independent outlet for different opinions. The 'Bersih' operation is a mass demonstration organized by independent political party in Malaysia. The government was not impressed with such effort and yeah.. there goes the authority trying to take control of the situation. I certainly have mixed feelings about it because, at one point; I do see such activity only give bad image to the country as if they expressed disintegration of a unified philosophy on the other hand, it's good to know that there are people who are brave enough to stand with their belief and freedom of speech because, not everything seems pretty as we assumed it to be. But, let's be frank. It's pretty stupid to know that some only join in because of the crowd. That is simply dumb head in a plate. Enough said.
It's Harry Potter season too.. Everyone is having an emotional journey with the last installment of the movie is finally here to be watched. All those characters that the young generations have explore together have finally come to an end, I'm not a big fan but, I certainly understand the journey that these young ones gone through. They are about to discover another beginning of an end :)
Apart from that, I feel happy that my friend Amall is going to continue her studies in Australia! Alhamdulillah! Who ever thought things will lead to this just by an effort an determination? Good luck dear :D I will be there to sent you off this Saturday! See you there!
Oh yeah.. before I end this session, I would like to let you all know that I have a tumblr!
(Shhh... Liha, remember the first rule of Tumblr is not to speak of it)
Okay... Follow me at
www.lihalimau.tumblr.com.
I'm still new with it. I got lots of thing to familiarize first before I go in depth so far, I enjoy the light format type of blogging. It's easy and convenient but, I still prefer blogspot though. I just got a lot of thing in my mind that I want to combine with my addiction of photoshop. It's a good addition though. i can gain more insight on graphics while grab quotes that put your eyes stared it longer than usual. The main point of it: I grew fond of it.
Have a nice day everyone! Salam :D

Virtual Life.

2011-07-10T15:25:00.002+08:00

Somehow... I feel like making myself a Tumblr.. Haha.. we'll just see next time :3 anyway, I want to share with you this amazing visual by www.factoryfifteen.com Toodles!

Robots of Brixton from Kibwe Tavares on Vimeo.

Underground

2011-07-09T22:03:00.004+08:00

Been thinking lately, What's my life going to be? Oh dear Lord...
You know you get to a point that you had to move on and leave your past when it hurts you much. I realized that I was caught up in it that it's hard for me to see what's life have install for me. That's why I want to make a fresh start again and the most convenient and significant way I could think of is to start with my hair. My hair have been with me during my past, it took a while for me to consider cutting it. It's fun to have long hair that I can let it twirl and rest aside my shoulder. But, unfortunately... I realized it have become a liability to me. It became really dry and so hard to manage. I hate to redo my hair every 15 minutes because it kept hurling over my face. I just woke one morning and decided to put an end of my misery haha.
So yea.. new hair, new me. I totally need a makeover with my life right now. Andrew if you are reading this, thank you so much for the advice :) It really helps me a lot to look life in a better perspective. Anyway... I was very happy with my decision of getting my hair done because, after I had my haircut, I went Times Square to fetch myself my drink: Pure Chocolate at Coffee Bean when I bumped into Hamni, my bestie! From all those days when I decided to start with a new life, she's there! She is the first person who witness my new look. Masyallah :D We chat and decided to go out later at the afternoon and fetch Faiz too after him working. We went to the Mall and watch a movie...imagine what an impromptu event leads to :D Besties reunited again! Hahaha XD
Oh, wondering who the freak he is? This is not relevant to my story above but, related to the title of the post haha. I was going to mention him a few months ago but, I thought he is going to be one of those short span artist. The name of the artist is The Weeknd. His music is nonetheless far fetch and way beyond amazing! He brought R&B and hip hop to another level. You can say he is more to slow jams but, I love how his music apply electro vibe with this nonchalant message he put inside his songs. I really don't know how to explain his music other than he is more like a twisted side of Drake. No one really knows much of his existence because he never went mainstream and rather being discreet. Somehow he is way exposed in the underground scene. It's very hard to find a good editorial picture of him anywhere in the internet unless you dig in the indies themed websites. You wont listen his music here in the local channel for sure :)Talking about underground scene, have you ever hear about the organization calling themselves 'The Anonymous @ Anon'? Better not. Haha. You might get in trouble :p For those who loves to research about subcultures and hidden organizations, you might like browsing them. They have been created way back in 2003 but, they started to rise up and Wikileaks was slammed in court for the accusation of leaking confidential documents from the government and military events. It just burst their angers and led to a discreet revolution against the government via online. They don't attack people per se but, they are very active in hacketivism which means they hack into certain portals that is crucial for National security and disable or disrupt the activities consequently, lead into major chaos. They shut down major banking companies, online gov administration and lastly jam all operation with virus they send viral. Amazingly, the authority couldn't do anything or most likely scared to make a move to stop them because this Anon people can just hack the database and disrupt everyday routine.

*Yawn* I'm sleepy. See you next time :D Salam!

New me :D

2011-07-09T11:23:00.002+08:00

Everyone! I cut my hair!!! I love the new look! What do you think?

Lyricism

2011-07-07T00:39:00.004+08:00

A day after an end.
So relaxing yet...boring.
Haha, I love it this way.
Since I'm off the hook now, I'm back with my old life. doing house chores, editting youtube videos, going back to photoshop love again..basically, living my life with a new perspective :) Music was always beside throughout the journey and right now Beyonce's album most certainly worth listening. Not because she's my Kaka bey (I'm her lil sis *perasan*) but, about her personality. She works hard for her fame and fortune using her beauty and astounding voice. Somehow I expect her to let her diva attitude to flourish and be all snobbish. In the end, she just want to be like any ordinary person; to live life the fullest and rest when things ended. Watch her documentary 'Year of 4' and then you will understand what I'm blabbing about. I always want a good idol in my life. As much as I am skeptical with human intentions, my assumptions towards them are mostly true (that's what you get when you learn sociology hehe) practically valid too. I don't idolize a person for their package on the outside but, inside; their effort, creativity, determination and aim. I do have my personal idols in the context of philosophy, literature and religion but, inspired by a popstar as a matter of fact a renowned Diva is nonetheless the easiest because, they are well documented by the media and their thoughts are most likely expressed in their songs. It's hard to ignore their existence haha. Beyonce for sure top in my list :D (balik balik jua eh haha)

As for that, I want to share you the lyrics from one of her song in her '4' album. the name of the song is I was here and surprisingly... I can relate to this song. It is such a personal touch she put in here and perhaps if you listen carefully to the song, it pour out good will and self determination. Enjoy and salam everyone, I'm off to bed :D

I WAS HERE | BEYONCE

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that,
And something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I want to say I lived each day, until I died
I know that I had something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone to hapiness
Left this world a little better just because...
I was here...

2011-07-05T23:27:00.002+08:00

I talk.

I was amazed by them :)

That's all.
Gosh this is the shortest blog ever
Toodles!

Babahku

2011-07-04T22:47:00.003+08:00

A special post
For a special person
My Babah!!
Haha My dad's birthday was on the 3rd of July and heck it was a great day to go out with the whole family. My dad is kinda a home person so, he prefer not to go out much. Well, anyway we treated him to a restaurant at Gadong because he was craving for its Tom Yam soup. No cakes though... my dad prefer to watch his sugar intake haha. He is like the 2nd person who ate the least nasi per day after me.. (duh... I don't eat rice at all lol!) Anyhow.. he was smiling all the waiting for his present eventhough he tried to be all 'poker daddy face' with us. Apa punya Babah haha..
My daddy is a quiet, loving father even though he have gone through several difficulties in his life, he never did give up with his life and move on. He used to be so active in sports, a charming gentlemen with a smile that can melt any ladies heart. Thank god he met my mum hohoho... Back in those days, he used to smile a lot. I remember this picture album I secretly dig from my parents room, I open their wedding album and my mum was nonetheless beautiful and shy while my dad with his widest smile standing beside my mum feeling like the most luckiest guy alive. Haha no kidding. I wish I could share you the picture but, my mum hid all the albums because she didn't want us to messed up the closet again lol. As much the time passed by and he endure challenges in his life, his charm and caring was never dissipated. You can bring any children or babies to him and he will open his arms and kiss their foreheads like my late grandfather do to me. Like daddy, like son :)
Thinking back the old times, I missed those days when my daddy bought us to the parking lot at Airport lama to play our little kites. I used to look alike with my brother before we had our little sisters; I had short hair and I wore sporty wardrobe just like my bro did. No doubt, it was a great time playing there until Azan Maghrib calling. Haha great old days. No matter how much my dad have change physically throughout the years, I still can see his enthusiasm and passion never did left him. He loves to talk loud when he knows he's right and rather to keep quite when things seem tensed. He display wisdom and humor within his silence yet become very irritating just to annoy my mum. Lol. He's an awesome dad that never can be replace by any means in the world. Happy Birthday Babah, we love you always! :"-D
My work with the census thingy is almost come to an end. I was a bit careless due to my lack of experience and preparation to endure witty situations and with the given 2 weeks limit, I was stressing to finish it off. Anyhow... it was worth the journey. Here, I learn to be assertive and considerate to different level of households. It was an eye opener. Who would know people who live nearby you can give a life changing experience. Luxury in life seems unimportant to my naive eyes and it made me not to take little things for granted. Apart from the raccoon eyes due to lack of sleep ( sometimes I return home at 11pm...) and my tiresome hands, I gain better perspective about people which I find it more valuable than the allowance. Now I'm doing my final report that needed to be submit to our respective supervisors... oh yea.. typing is one thing I know I can excel well haha.Thank you so much for visiting my blog my dear readers, I don't usually say this because I'm not sure whether there are people reading it haha.. This blog is like my virtual diary, it come from my heart; raw and unfiltered. I would like to say hi to my youtube friend that have follow my blog. You know who you are ;) I really appreciate your time! *hugs* Oh yeah.. I want to share you something, just now I receive a message in my inbox at my youtube account. He was saying that I have few subscribers because I like black. Like, wtf is he talking about? Was it wrong for me to love black? I never did intend to depict black as a spiritual being in me, it's just a color that I adore for its sophistication and classy element. Hmmm.. that's why I'm not so keen with people judging you by face value. They don't know much about you yet, they say something as if their assumption is right.
Another thing, have you all heard about Google+ ? I think I might have a go on it. It's the upcoming social network that bound to compete with facebook haha. I was very impressed with their features actually. It's more restricted compare to fb.You can actually control your privacy when sharing without blocking anyone. Seems interesting ey? We will see.. it's still in experimental phase. Who knows it can help with my anti FB momento lol. Toodles!

ILMERS ONLY :D

2011-07-03T14:06:00.002+08:00

I was bored. Enough said. Sorry for being a bit hyper but, I was in a rush. Entah kenapa aku mau upload video tepulang when I'm supposed to be pakai baju (-_-") Procrastination beats me.

Connect.

2011-07-03T01:11:00.005+08:00

Human Touch

I mark my soul with a drop of ink,

Tainted every part of this blank canvas,

Never to be erased in a blink,

Forever to be displayed and rust.

My mistakes blots in splashes,

Yet my painter determine to make me perfect,

Determine to see the better me,

Eager to mend the imperfection He see,

Truly beautiful is what He planned to achieve.

With this fragile hope, I stand.

The eyes of those who viewed tested me,

I was no where near to be mend,

Nor I believe the hurdle will end.

When will my color blend?

Who will give me a hand?

Perhaps I have to stand firm to know it :)

Our innocence was tested by challenges in our life. Sometimes, you wish you can erase it and start over nonetheless, the wish was return in vain. The unrequited hopes for a better life can make us feel so low that for no reason you feel sorry and undeserving for something in the past and wept on it. The sadness overwhelms you that somehow you forgot life was not about living in regret. It's about how we learn from our mistakes and move on with a better perspective in life. No matter how painful it is, it was never meant to hurt you completely. Most likely it was just a reminder so you can remember how it feel when it happens to you again.

Your eyes was meant to be observant and your heart tend believe it. Let your eyes see the beauty in life. Let your heart hold on happiness a little longer so you can take every step in your life with your a smile at your face :)

I don't know what has become of me but, I have embarked a journey timid to the common eyes yet massive to a hollow soul. I feel blessed.

P/S: I'm not being emo or something... I was just letting my mind to speak. I'll be back after I'm off with my work...and oh yeah.. I love Beyonce 4 album :)

Lesson.

2011-06-25T10:44:00.004+08:00

Just a brief post for this thoughtful Saturday. Don't bother asking why I'm not sticking to my format. Bleurgh.. Haha Anyway... I feel like I want to share this story of mine from last night where I was interviewing this old guy for the census questionnaire. I wont blurt all the confidential details no worries :)
I was having this conversation with this Indonesian guy in his mid-50s around 9 at night. He lives in a room smaller than a toilet and depended fully on one single bulb in the night. His appearance was obviously scruffy yet he was very calm and articulate. Somehow I don't feel scared to be left alone with him nor disgusted by his poor environment. I was comfortable sitting and chat as if I was talking to one of my teacher. Yes. A teacher. I learnt that he graduated from a university back where he lives and become a full time employee for a company. He decided to leave all those prospects and work in Brunei as this low-wages electrician because the salary is better compare to his work there and not even once he ever complaint throughout the chat. He look so content and blessful. It really caught me there. I was speechless. He was nonetheless one of the unsung heroes that were left unrecognized. Yes, I do feel sorry for him because, with his qualification and wise knowledge: He is bound to be a senior lecturer in our University by his standards. It's just so sad to witness this humble guy works in an environment less than he deserve.
I wont touched much about equality or meritocracy for this case. I believe strongly that Allah will reward in its own way, may be not in life but, afterlife. Who knows, Insyallah. As to my knowledge, no effort were left unrewarded and he is a living proof a patience and determination. It's amazing how you think your life is hard when this event open your eyes on how little your problem is. It clarifies much on the word 'Bless' in my dictionary. I hope this story may shed a light on yours too. We never realize FULLY how much we live in this blessful country without seeing it in a different perspective.
Frankly speaking, I too used to be this spoiled brat hoping for money to fall from the sky. I hope I can learn to be more thoughtful on a wider perspective about this. Let me share you this beautiful song by Indie Arie- There's Hope. It depicts much on last night event.. Toodles :)

Ordinary

2011-06-22T09:12:00.002+08:00

Busy Week,
Stressful at its finest
God damn it.
Oh you think things would be easy for you Liha.... Dear Lord, I'm no near to experience in approaching strangers in my life. I know it's part of the job but, I'm not one of those type that like to barge in people's privacy even in government matters. But, since this is part of the job. I was (reluctant) to adhere to it! So to my lovely readers, the word of quote of today will be:

Never procrastinate and suck that fear up.

I got my first complaint for something I didn't remember I do during my first week being a census officer. But, we'll just leave it there. I don't want to get all those words spreading like I'm Ms Telling sob-sob blogger. Yes, I'm am stressed out right now! I could scream the F word out loud for 3 minutes straight ( I know I can. lol) however, I don't see any relevance as to obscene words may reduce any intense brain activity right now. It's funny that most of us would just cursed much when we feel unsatisfied about something.hehe. Why is it became such a trend when you can always have an option to look down and be polite while saying " This too shall pass," hmmm... maybe I will learn to do that someday. Note taken.
Well, that's all from me. I'm not sure when will I post another this week. I need to put more effort on my work because I want to finish this off early before CIT graduation dinner. Please inform me on the updates my mates. There's just so much work and houses to crash into lol.
On another story, I'm officially loving Drake. Drake fever. He's going into my list. Lalala. I cannot stop singing to 'Fall to your type' and 'Marvin's room'. Drake is just so perfect candidate for my monthly rapper! Haha I always choose different artist but, for sure after listening him featuring with Rihanna 'What's my name' I know for sure he's mighty fine for cool bro. Toodles.

Week touch

2011-06-19T23:20:00.003+08:00

Not feeling well,
Ached body,
Numb brain.

Yesterday I finished distributing all the questionnaire for JPKE..in one whole day! Yeay :D Alhamdulillah the peripheral I was assigned to is in an open neighborhood and pretty darn friendly too. It was easy to ask for their cooperation and all. I didn't realised how much I pushed myself. I started knocking doors around 10am and went home at noon.
Since my grandmother was admitted in the hospital, my mother didn't have the time to cook for lunch so, I grab the knife and start chopping onions and chicken few minutes returning to home. Thank god I manage to serve the food 10 minutes after my parents rest in the dining room.

So anyway.. my sister and I continue with our task in the afternoon climbing countless stairs in the air tight sealed buildings of the shopping complexes. We managed to complete our tasks before Maghrib and I just dooze off after taking a shower and all.

I saw this cute price tag during our task! Cute :D

Apparently, this is just the first stage before the real work. I'm very nervous about tomorrow because, I have no sense of direction and I'm not good with location. I rely on my sister to remind me where I have been and all.. Oh Lord, bless her! I'm just good with appreciating books.. not map tagging. I need to organize my schedule for tomorrow interview with the households. Haha I know.. "where are the itty gritty details on the attitude?" Personally speaking, There are lots of attitude however most are well behaved and rather welcoming to my arrival. Hopefully things will run smoothly tomorrow :s gosh..
Anyway.. somehow this fever joyfully greet me... great.. what a good timing. I've got cold sweat, my head is rather heavy, my tummy feel unsettled.. I frequently went to the toilet and not forgetting my body is all aching. Great. Whatever man.. I'm going to proceed with the plan tomorrow.. nothing going to stop me haha. Toodles!

p/s: My father is not really a big fan of Father's day haha. That's why I'm not mentioning any. His birthday is on the way anyway so yea... ;p

Hometown

2011-06-16T20:14:00.002+08:00

Salam everyone :D
Whatcha doin?
Sudah makan ke belum?
Last night, a lunar eclipse occur at 4.15am. Some say an eclipse symbolise rebirth to our journey. Some say it brings death. I don't know where the superstitious comes from. Maybe I watched too much 'Heroes' episode haha. As much as I want to deny it, it seems that I feel very different today. I seek solace in my little sanctuary and ponder about my life. What will happen to me in the future? Where is my journey heading to? Will my chapter end soon than I expected? There's just so many assumptions running across my mind. Not forgetting my 2 manis cats that keep following under my feet. I swear, I'm scared I would stepped on them :s ish ish... Maybe I got cat pheromone.... It was meant for John Legend. Not cats! Haha ohhh.. wouldn't it be great to have my Johnny Hunny follow me everywhere I go? (Keep on dreaming Liha.) lalala~
Oh yesh.. my family and I just celebrated my mama birthday!!! Woohoo~ she's sweet 17 again! Haha (plus 40 years and minus some too) Anyway, it's not that grand because, since my grandmother was admitted to the hospital, they were busy handling things there. So, the only present I could give was a special meal during lunch which include vanilla ice cream with sprinkles a'la Brunei as desert. Later that night, they went to a restaraunt treating her eating large size Soto. We love her thaaaat big :3 (Haha oh darn it!)
The next day, my dad bought a green spongecake for breakfast and later during lunch my sister surprised her with this cute birthday cake.. Haha I bet my mama finally got her wish! However.. there is one thing that spoiled much. My sister made a joke on the age.. look at it!
Panat wahhh! Haha I wonder how does the pastry shop react to this cake? Hmmm.. by the way, thank you so much everyone for your well wishes on behalf of my mama. Now, we're waiting to surprised the next victim... my father on July! Haha :P
Oh a special well wish to my lovely friend Atul too! Happy Birthday!!! I hope all your dream will come true and stay happy always with your love ones...aww... I never witness much sweetness like they do! Haha now I got tears missing my friends again! Huhu.. I miss celebrating our birthdays together people! Let's attack Abg Bob! Haha hmmm.. how is he?
Well, that's all from me. I'll be busy with the Banci penduduk & Perumahan campaign starting tomorrow. Hopefully everything went well according to plan. Insyallah.. wish me luck! Toodles :D

Caressing

2011-06-15T09:18:00.002+08:00

I should have post this 2 days ago
But heck.
Yeay! I'm free!
Haha.. how fast of you Liha. I would love to give the dets on that day. I'm just not sure whether it is allow to blurt it all out here. No one seem to do it either. Haha rather be cautious for now. But, I can share you the part before I went in my MIB oral.
I was doing my last minute revision which mostly consist of me freaking out, panic the hell out of me and rushing on the notes, etc. I get ready and went down thinking whether I should come much more earlier and should I wear heels instead. After driving to the parking lot at MOE compound, I was like "The oral start 9.. I think I still got time for the oral...whaaatt daaa paaakkk!" The time shows 8.59am!!! Omg! I was one minute to my oral! SHITake mushroom! instantly I grab my files and handbag, running to the elavator and hit the 5th floor. My mind was thinking numerous excuses but, I know it's still unacceptable to be late for my oral. But...thank God the person before are still in the room hahaha.. hahaha... Alhamdulillah. That was the peak of my ever adrenaline rush. Please remind me next time not to procrastinate much. Believe me, it doesn't bring any greater good other than your worst first impression :s
Despite of all of this, what matter is I have endured it. Right now, I can only tawakkal for me and especially for my friends. I wish we all will reach our dreams :) Love you all...
Lyfe Jennings.. waaahhh... I don't know why I'm into soul and R&B right now...This hot guy got a melting soulful voice wrapped with poetic lyrics. His bringing the sexy back in Sisqo (haha old intakes y'all) His words are beautiful and yet he embrace all that hip hop gangsta in him.. in a good way. What impressed me most is how almost all his songs he wrote about respect and life rather than getting down with some booties. For me, it is a rare occasion to hear artist to voice that out. I wish more singers enjoy such positive messages rather keep talking how great the party was and how drunk they were (Kesha much?) My favourite song would be 'Statistics' yea.. I know.. the pegawai banci penduduk is getting in my head haha. But hear me, he's not stating the obvious. It was pretty unpredictable for him to convey a song for the ladies about guys.. with facts!

"25% of all men are unstable
25% of all men can't be faithful
30% of them don't mean what they say
and 10% of the remaining 20 is gay
That leaves you a 10% chance of ever finding your mate
That means you better pay attention to these words that I say
I'm gonna teach you how expose the 90%
and show you what to do to keep the other 10."

Mind you, this is for the ladies. I'm not trying to offend anyone :p but, yea.. why do i feel his words are so true? I wish he can be my relationship guru or he can be my hot sociology teacher ohh wouldn't be great? Haha XD Anyway.. got to go now :) My mum had her birthday yesterday.. I want to extend the celebration today by cooking exquisite meal a'la carte haha! Salam~

Headstart

2011-06-12T16:16:00.003+08:00

Nervous much?

Yeah I am.
Whew! Here it goes.
I'm doing my revision now but, before that... I managed to upload a video today in my youtube channel. Haha.. I just need an outlet to vent out this anxiety as always. However...it is not thoughtful of me to just whine around like this. It's not right to whine a lot on great expectations that brings another level of life. Even though I have to admit... I'm scared to death to the extent that my toes grew cold for the last 24 hours. There are some things is out of my control.
Anyway, after you all give out supports and advices which I really made me touched and grew the motivational spark inside me. I'm ready to endure it all. I know it would be inhumane to conquer my fear of the uncertainty when it is part of life. Like it or not, it has always been there. We just need to overcome it :)
And again..a special thanks to my dear friends for the heads up. I'll never stop praying for the best for you all :"-) My sister borrowed me her notes on MIB notes from her first year taking degree course in Brunei Studies. Aiya.. tabal bah haha...it's a lot to cramp for one night. Oh my god... it's tomorrow! Okay.. I'll continue with my revision then. But, before that.. let me leave you a poem that I would like to share :)

"A journey worth spent
In a lifetime... it's countless
Never it asked for you to pay
Nor beg your charity in return.
The valuable path was never in currency.
Precious it may seem,
Expensive you may assume.
The real price in a journey,
Lay rest on your own commune.

See, think and wonder,
What life has to offer,
Good or bad,
Happy or sad,
One thing for sure..
You will never be in debt"

Set Fire.

2011-06-10T23:02:00.004+08:00

Panic is cramping my head.
Anxiety is flooding my soul
I'm gonna blow up sooner than I thought.
I'm listening Adele's 'Hometown Glory' over and over again for the last 17 months. It used to be therapeutic in the midst of mental breakdown. Somehow this time, it malfunction and made me head stoned to the worrisome realm.
Not in the mood to type out my feelings right now

I just grab whatever beside me and take a picture.

I know. I should be doing my freakin revision.

Can someone please help to lighten this head of mine?

I'm stressed out, I'm worried, I'm pissed off, I'm totally out of focus and my mind is rebelling against my brain. My heart is trying to intensify the drama all the way down there which caused the beat to work overtime. Ohh.. this is what happened when I'm freaking out.

Salam.

Read ahead

2011-06-09T15:20:00.003+08:00

I don't know about algebra,
But, I know,
One plus one equals TUH! (two)
A quote from Beyonce single '1+1' .... I had to say, it's such a beautiful song :) I would love to see HitamPuteh.com use this song for their background. Loving the lyrics too, anyone who dislike it either don't understand R&B or just heartless as a whole. I downloaded this song just now but, honestly, I prefer her live performance in American Idol both during the show and backstage. From there you can see Kaka Bey singing her heart out to express her love to her dear ones especially me (buh perasaan) haha
Oh yes, MOE just called this morning to inform me about my MIB oral test. "Oh no!!!" It falls on Monday. Currently, I don't feel the tension yet. But, I bet my brain will knock my head out if I'm not revision now. What should I learn about MIB that I have grown to accept in my principle of life? How can I relate this principle to my course I'm applying. What Baju Kurung should I wear? Haha (Au.. main main saja Liha ah.. nanti kau panik inda ku mahu dengar kau bising) Alhamdulillah, I'll be proceeding to the next phase :) Wish me luck everyone. I need to cramp my head with Bruneian aspects for this week. Let the Bruneian feast begins!
Amazing right? I really love this quote above. It made me to shut my mouth up when it's necessary. I wish I can print it out, frame it and hang it on my door so, before I go out I remember to be wise :) Anyway, I found this picture from tumblr post. I love visiting my friend's tumblr. Remember Andrew from my youtube collaboration? Yea.. he shared me his link and I instantly love browsing around there. The music, the pictures and especially the quotes... aiya.. I feel that I'm starting to love tumblr. Most of my friends asked me to create one... It's so tempting! I really want to join in the fun and it look so addictive. I love to be an internet addict instead of a drug addict haha. It's freakin hard to ignore it and my previous post is a proof that I'm about to succumb into the tumblr community. Aaargghh.. first facebook and now tumblr? Oh lord.. let me be! LOL
Lastly, me love my life right now :) my family is happy, my friends are happy and I'm happy. Alhamdulillah... I wish you out there will find your happiness soon because, I believe you deserve it :D toodles!

J2O - Indomie

2011-06-07T19:06:00.000+08:00

I swear.

This will be the last.

(I think I got tumblr fever for sho)

Indo Mie lover!!! Get your swag on boo!

p/s: indo mie is heaven sent :)

p/p/s: Kenapa tia aku cakap N-Gaz ani?

BRAND NEW|DAISY|NONSTOP

2011-06-07T18:04:00.003+08:00

Another post for today (omg, I should not make this a habit) haha seriously... I don't know how this dude do it but, he proved to me that UKF Dubstep music is the best eletronic music at this moment. Club house music stumbles to second! Those who have watches LXD (League of Extraordinary Dancer) might be familiar with this type of dance. Youtube it up for LXD I bet you will be blown away by them. Who wouldn't drool over hot guys with wicked dance move? It's like sun tanning at the nude beach, steamy hot surrounding yet you cannot stop smiling and feel pretty yourself :P

It sure does gives me goosebumps seeing extraordinary people doing their thing. Got to search for more! Toodles :D

JULIAN SMITH - 25 Things I Hate About Facebook

2011-06-07T09:00:00.003+08:00

You all might asked why I refuse to join the Facebook community. I got lots of excuses but, I'm not sure I can list out that well without being punch on my face haha. Good to know that Julian Smith decipher my thoughts well :D

I never expect it can be this universal! I'm not sure if it's still applicable but, yea.. this is SOME of the reason. Maybe I will activate it back but, as I said before. I feel much more free and less burden with things and away from being 70% poklen haha. Toodles

p/s: What a short post!

p/p/s: I'm still on Myspace though. Classique et moi!

Totally Awed

2011-06-06T09:26:00.003+08:00

Buh.
One week no updates?
Major trouble!
Last week was nothing but fighting with my skeptical mind. Have it ever occurred to you that you feel like you were in a crowd of raging hormones both in their early twenties up to their forties trying their best to outgrown each other by looks? It's a such an intriguing experience for me to see so many people were so obsessively self conscious to the extent that it looks foolish rather than love at first sight. I never thought the society can be this insecure when they were born perfect as they are. I'm the one who suppose to be playing that part! (Haha Queen of imperfection) Yea.. maybe I was bummed that I cannot take the role and be emo throughout the 3 days of mind restricted convention. And by that, I and the rest of over 800 Bruneians are officially completed our 3 days course as Pegawai Banci Penduduk dan Perumahan (BPP) 2011. I don't know how to translate it in English but, yea it's for Bruneian jua ganya haha. Watch out for our arrival starting 20th June to 2nd July at your respective houses people! We comin at ya!
Oh yea.. Coldplay have released another cool single! Honestly, the beats are rather pop-ish to their usual style but, I'm loving it. It's so uplifting and inspiring! The lyrics is well written more like listening to their 'Viva La Vida' song which nonetheless.. harmoniously melodic. The lyrics just synchronized well with the music that sometimes it made me wonder how they produce the song, is it the lyric first or the music? It's just perfect match! Coldplay.. you never failed to amaze me! My favourite quote from the song is:

"I turn the music up, I got my records on
From underneath a rubble, I sing a rebel song
Don't want to see another generation drop
I'd rather be in a coma than in a full stop"

Gosh...it speaks out my heart! Worth listening!
Hmmm...what else, oh yea! My friend Farish is back!! Yea~ I was happy to see him again and to tell you the truth I'm loving his new perspective of life awww... my little diva have grown up :D However, after a few days and he joined me and my sister for a day out.. He's back to his old self again haha.. Either way I accept who you are bui! Thank you so much for the Ole Ole and the picture above. He's having a hard time to give it to me since I don't use my FB anymore haha. Should I activate my FB soon? I don't see the point yet :p

Lawn Mower

2011-05-29T07:15:00.004+08:00

Sunday boredom,
I don't feel like going out
As the rest of the world celebrate.
I don't know how people do it but, my eyes are sore from looking an ocean of people. For once in my life I feel like my whole 6 hours volunteering for a charity in a busy hectic fair open another part of me: reality.
Last Friday, I joined my brothers for the charity organization in collecting donation for the Japanese disaster relief effort however, I must say I was kinda hesitatant and all introverted. Personally, I would volunteer if the vibes is right but, at that point I feel like I was part of the selling booth instead of a spreading the good will. But, yea.. no offense. I do aware that their attempt was never in vain especially when the place is pack with people browsing around. Someone is bound to be kind enough to give away a dollar for donation. Honestly, I can only smile because from there we can see how people actually do concern to help those who is in need. Urgh. Believe me. I was in a bad position to be emotional. I was literally touched! I couldn't stop smiling and feel blessed just to witness it all. One more thing, I was not being productive enough haha I purposely stand there and just wait for someone to approach instead of attracting them. Was it fine for me to believe that smile can actually be a better asset which gives a sincere message compare to pulling the crowds by voicing it out like those sales group do? How lousy of me :p Anyway, I feel really dizzy seeing people moving around me. Gosh, I know at that moment "Lord, just let me retreat to my boring life after this," that's the only one thing I crave the most.
Nah.. it's nothing personal. Lately, I love being around with myself and pamper the nerdy internet geek in me. Any social interaction was not my main priority however that does not lessen my love to my dear ones. I just want to be alone before I move forward into another journey :D Another rehab to nature I should say.
So, since I'm living a not so amazing life right now, it's better for me to enjoy it while it last haha. Oh life. I don't what to talk about now *Pfft* Numbness strikes in! Toodles~

Chipped nails.

2011-05-27T11:35:00.003+08:00

Pick a daisy in a garden

Lift it up and pour it down
That's not chocolates about.LOL
Alhamdulillah...that's all I can summarize my week. I finally received all the documentations that MOE asked for. All I do now is to submit it and I'm done. The anxiety freak in me has ceased to its place! Woohoo! Why...I still remember in my previous post that I expressed on how I can only tawakkal at that moment for everything to end. By the grace of God, the burden just lift up upon my shoulder when they email me the details :D Haha I'm so sorry that I'm not being meticulous with what I'm saying here. Some of you might understand me but, yea.. I rather keep it low for now because, I'm not sure myself. haha. One day Insyallah :D everything will unfold by itself.
Let's talk about something irrelevant alright? Haha can I not talk about Beyonce's latest album that will be released on the 27th June 2011. Mark that day because there will be a slight tremor occur in Berakas area due to the fact this lunatic lady will jump in joy precisely at noon (the 12 hours difference here and U.S is mainly the problem of the slow reaction) oh happy day! So far I have listened to 3 songs from her album. My favourite would be 'Till the world End" which is the second single release (hopefully) after the '(Girls) who rule the world' was out and about... why do I have to wait for Brunei to enjoy her single 3 weeks late prior to the release? Urgh.Lame.
In the other news, My Youtube channel is gradually improving throughout this insignificant week. I found a fellow Youtuber by the user name of Kerkeloo or you can call him Andrew from Virginia, U.S. We both were submitting a video response for Glowpinkstah N*sync Bye bye bye collaboration video a few weeks ago. I inbox him one day asking if he wants to collab doing a lipsync to song of our choice while waiting Glowpinkstah upload hers (the anticipation is killing the suspense haha) and as a result, we have done our first collaboration video! Yeay *do the chicken dance!* woohoo! Thanks Andrew :D

If things went well, we might do more in the near future.. haha no worry you guys, it's nothing personal. It's just a Youtuber thing. Oh the joy of being single: I have all the fun I want! Haha *panat anak ani* Toodles!
P/S: Thank you for all who willing to watch my vids and reading my blogs, I couldn't say thanks enough!

Ecclectic Sense

2011-05-23T19:54:00.005+08:00

I'm back~
How's your day?
Better than yesterday :)
Another weekend passed by and gosh it was not the finest moment at all. This heart beat thud louder than usual. It's either because I was very worried or my sugar level in my blood was intensifying my heart activity haha either way... it was not pleasant. Imagine having your day distracted by the same thoughts day and night yet, you cannot do anything about it other than to wait. It's beyond my capacity. I still haven't got any reply from them though so.. I just can pray for the best to come and endure my day as calm as possible.
I bet as much of apprehension can be related to all those people who believe about 'The Rapture' on May 21st, 2011. A preacher by the name of Harold Camping was spreading the words that Judgement day falls on that conspicuous date. His followers were determined to warn everyone about it and went to several measures to get the words out. Banners, radio announcements, online, leaflets you name it. EVERYTHING. There even this family went around US spreading the words on their caravan while home school their children during their journey. When the reporters asked why home schooled, the family believe that there was no point when the rapture is around the corner. Others spent thousands of dollars to get the words spread while other use every dime in their saving to support the campaign.
Now...my only concern is since we are still alive and it is deemed that the rapture was a total ripped-off, what is their next plan? I did read some articles that some were still in a state of bewilderment. I mean, they actually thought there is no meaning to save up money anymore at that point. Was it worth their penny? I just want to know apart from the mix reactions and all...are they prepare to continue with their life again? Yes, it is kinda funny when we think about it. I want to laugh but, I was more baffled by the fact that those who believe in this rapture includes the atheist folks who always make fun about their religion. Amazing. This failure only allow them to make fun of it. It's not my habit to mock any faiths and life principle we all hold dearly. I really respect every of it and despise those who doesn't. I'm no saint but, I know my faith is what kept me alive :)
So yea.. don't be surprised with the news highlighting on the failure of the rapture within these few days. I still don't understand why everyone is so panic about it. I know it's hard to face your death and I'm scared too. I just couldn't accept the fact that those who were sent to heaven only applicable to Christianity. It seems it does not include other religions or animals in any order. Duh.

Moving on...as people survive the delayed prophecy, The music industry was kicking lively in Las Vegas for the Billboard Award 2011. Good to see all those stars looking pretty damn good on their Sunday. My eyes are only focus at one thing...Beyonce's performance! Haha.. what else do I highly anticipated more than her? Since her MV were release last week, the feed backs have been positive and yes, it only meant the beginning of Bey's domination again haha. Her album will be out next month hopefully. I must clear my tracks list in the near future! Anyway... this is the performance during the Award. I say.. I was speechless because she knows my taste! She incorporated virtual graphics with her hot diva dance routine. Practically, it was the cherry of the top this month! Oh Kaka Bey.. you never fail to amaze me XD

Beyonce by yardie4lifever2

Well, that's all from me, toodles :)

Delayed Anguish

2011-05-17T22:30:00.005+08:00

Anxiety strikes in
Aaarghh...
Oh...totally freaking out.
Have you ever have that anxiety rushes in your head that you tend to think too much of it that you couldn't sleep or you just want to run and hide until you feel okay? I'm not talking about jealousy in relationship or envy to someone. Just a general feeling when you receive a 'slight' happy news that gives you hope but, at the same time you cannot celebrate much until you are sure you are apart of it. I wish I could write it out here but, I don't think it's appropriate right now. I'll let you when the time comes. I'm just in a state of fragility about my future right now. That's all I can say. After that call from MOE... I just panicked. It really bugs me and wrapped my skeptical mind this week. I don't show it much from the outside I mean, sometimes I forgot about it and gladly do cooking or something else less intriguing but, whenever it hits you back. My heartbeat increases and you cannot think anything else but, this. I'm just scared.
And to exacerbate on top of it, one of my friend messaged me that made me upset. Not because of her but, the news she told me. You see.. I wish I could pour it all out because this blog is dear and personal to me on the other hand...as much as I'm aware the existence of this blog seems discreet, I just cannot include here just like that. Urgh, this is so frustrating. Another setback after another. Oh Lord, please help me.. give me the strength to endure all of this (specifically patience and faith...it need some boost up) My mind couldn't think straight much oh gosh..what should I do?? *Do more Photoshop Liha, it soothes a lot*
Funny haha. Before that, I want to share my words to all of you...This is for you who bump into something that made you demotivated and you just helpless, please read this:

There are times when life seems hopeless and it made you lost your way or under the weather. Please hold on and let time reveals it all. Don't ever give up in your journey. Save it, have faith in it because, one day you will achieve it. Just that, it's not time yet. Maybe you need to experience something significant to your life and once you went through it...that dream will be your next. destination. I'm talking not for the sake of storytelling but, it's based of my own life. I've gone through various of setbacks that at times I just break down and cry. I keep feeling sorry to myself asking "Why God? Why me?" As time passed by...I learn things both in an easy way and adversity itself. It frequently stuck in my head and consequently I started to internalize those experience in my personality which made me the person that I am today. When I was given another chance to achieve something I was passionate about... I met a lot of people and I figured out that they have bumped into the same problems I endured in my past life...I was keen to open up and give my thoughts on how to overcome it. From day forward I understand that everything happens for a reason and I was blessed for it. I learn that doubts was just a sheer distraction and I should not let it be the reason to achieve my dream. We only live once and before my time comes, I want to make sure that I can reflect my life back and see that my struggles was worth the effort. So I hope when your doubts start to talk loud in your head. Try to stay stop as firmly as you can for once and move on. You actually can overcome any obstacle if you believe in yourself. Have faith on your effort because you deserve it. Start to say "I know I can" instead of "I think I can". Just believe :)
(Note: this advice is not for vandalism, cruelty, suicide attempt, terrorism, fraud, negative social living, corrupted administration and all the 7 sins...LOL )
To all of those who requested for a Photoshop tutorial... I have to apologize way ahead because of the delay. My mind it totally occupied with reality right now. I do still made videos though and Photoshop, etc yada yada... I had to admit, I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my work. Although it seems messy or rookie-ish to the eyes of experts. I gave 100% of my concentration on executing those vision in its finest. Safe to say... it will come one day. It's part of my plans for this year so don't despair :) Anyway.. feel free to give your suggestions on what you like to learn and anything that you are curious about Photoshop. I'll try my best to sort it out. Thank you so much for your patience, toodles :D

Talk & Chat

2011-05-16T07:06:00.000+08:00

An early post

After Sunday

I'm enjoying it :)

Sometimes I feel like a hippie once in my life. At least now I know how it feels to be so free and true to yourself excluding weeds as your companion (Yes, weeds were in trend during the 70s *pfft*) I love talking to my cat while feeding my neighbor's chickens not forgetting having all the time I need to brush up my English, current events, pop culture and visual graphics. Haha just, that MOE called me to know the status with my offer letters from the institutions I applied previously. Hopefully, everything will be alright, pray for me as I pray for you too okay? I need extra luck for this from my dear friends :D

Moving on~ had a great midnight movie to watch at RTB... It's 'The Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants 2' :D Oh my gosh.. I love the first one of course I was going to wrap myself with my blankie and fluffy pillow while glue up my eyes on the screen. I really want to know what happened to them and that travelling pants. The first movie I watched, it was so heartwarming and cozy because it made me remember my old friends way back at Arabic school. We had our own way to share stories unlike the movie we don't send that jean through postal. Just a cute scrapbook per se... haha I still have it though :)

Well...back to the story; this second movie still stick to the original movie. Not much of changes on the storyline which is good. What's more...most of the characters were still the same casts from the first movie. The place and the people haha. It feels like it was almost one year before the second movie was produced when it was actually YEARS! The story generally focus on these 4 lovely girls that grew up together living in different backgrounds. They had arguments and sometimes couldn't tolerate with each others. However, they manage to talk their issues out and be there for each other in the end. It was such a sweet story that I cannot help but, smile and giggle with them. I can only describe the feeling like reading Babysitter's club and Archie all over again..Oh I miss those days :D

Oh NO. I didn't went for a photoshoot and made into the cover page. This is actually a preview for my upcoming vid that I want to upload in Youtube . I need to sort out the audio and script to narrate. Afterwards, add some fx sounds if possible (wahh fx...)

Well, that's all from me. Oh it's monday rupanya haha :D

Short post.

2011-05-14T08:49:00.004+08:00

I love Wheezywaiter's song on how he was struggling with his activity without the internet at his new home. It does made me wonder how it feels to have it a go. Need to warn you, I didn't handle it well. So, here it goes...

This video is not uploaded in my Youtube channel because, i feel embarassed to show it to my subscribers haha. Gonna post next time after I finished up with my Photoshop within this week (as if 2-3 days) Have a nice day everyone! Love you my ILMangels!

Omen's joy.

2011-05-11T21:28:00.003+08:00

The day passed by,
I stand on my ground,
While you revolve around me :)
Oh my lovely earth and moon. Aren't you tired spinning around us? Haha stupid question (Yeah I know) It just popped out from my head. Usually I don't think ahead when I post here. From a word it spread into sentences and then a lengthy paragraph that decorates this blog. Amazing how the brain works. Praise to Allah :)
I need to vent out my art again but, it feel bland without words attached to it. Oh I know what to talk about! A movie called 'Beastly' is going to be played in the cinema soon. As usual the trailer is way ahead earlier in the internet before it reach Brunei. Another typical lovey dovey movie but, I had to admit... I'm looking forward for this :)
It has been a while since the Olsen twins act in movies because they are more into entrepreneurship and their clothing line. I mean, their profit from their role during their childhood is sufficient enough to support them. They can choose whether they want to take part in a movie or not; it still wont bother much haha. Awesome. Anyhow.. I really love both of them and when I know Mary Kate lay a role in this movie with that witchy like character, I was thrilled! I can get to see her looking emo+goth+villain+angel or some sort just in this specific character! Totally cool :D Oh yea.. the main characters? Yes yes I almost forgot haha.. I don't know what to say about them but, it seems the movie critics stated that their acting is a bit mediocre. It also said there is not much chemistry between them and how they expression in different situation just not good enough. I don't know la ah.. movie critics are experts haha blame them if you don't agree. I just want to enjoy this eccentric storyline while watching Mary Kate again :D
Is it okay if I mention that I missed my classmates so much :( haha we all went our seperate ways and it sucks not hanging out like we used to. How are you my ILMangels and abg-abg? I hope they are fine with their daily routine hmmm... I missed watching movies at the common room with them and also terribly missing those days making noise that kinda annoys the department insignificantly :P how many of them missed eating Indo Mee like I am right now? haha.While in the Youtube nation, I have 100 subscribers sudah! What does that mean? Nothing other than the greatest freaking time of my 2 days life! Haha I made a video to thank my subscribers and hopefully they watched it. Atleast they know someone appreciate their effort to click that yellow button hanging on the upper left of the Youtube screen. Oh thank you guys!
Other than that? The Diva boy, Faiz @ Farish will be heading home within this 2 weeks for his summer holiday. Oh gosh... memvain tah dayang sorang atu karang boh! Haha I'm scared! On another note... I think I'm gonna lay off with making videos for a while because I need to get my head on Photoshop (Pronto!) within these week. Wish me luck! I hope you all are fine
P/s: Amall dear, if you read this... get well soon :) Salam

Geared Up

2011-05-09T21:15:00.005+08:00

How are you?
Another question for all
Is everyone alright?
It's weird you know... I might be the unlucky not to have a secure life right now compare to anyone but, I'm still feel content and calm enduring it. I believe that everyday is a good day and it will bring us closer to our goal. So I'll just go with the flow while giving my effort when possible. The reason I'm saying this is because as you know, I become a devotee to the Youtube community nowadays and I met all sorts of people despite of their frou-frou channel facade. We always tend to look on the vids but, we never notice the person behind it and what influence them to make the effort to produce great videos to upload. I had to say... there are times their videos made me cry because I was touched or sad for their situation. I remember last night, A Youtuber named Juddjames ( I think..) post a vlog about his current life. He married to a Thailand lady and have 3 lovely kids. A few days ago, he was told that he was no longer needed in his job after 6 long years and it made him stumped. Where should he find an income to feed his family? How can his family survive when they had to sell all their properties? What should he do when his family relies on him? He do feel like he wants to give up in his life but, along with his loving subscribers, we post comments to support him and let him know not to give up in any cost. I just hope things will change to the better in the near future :")
Movies ahh.. yes, my review. I was looking forward for this Malay movie created by KRU production. I say.. it is a worth waiting! I didn't manage to watch it in the cinema but, my bestie bought the DVD and we watched at her sister's house. My first impression was "WOW!" The quality was nonetheless *2 thumbs up* for a malay movie and the storyline was based on an old malay literature legend. Most people said it is well scripted according to the real story. I'm not surprised about that because they do made thorough research before proceed with post-production. This movie have a 'Pirates of the Caribbean' feeling into it due to the fact that it mostly concentrate on the ocean and the shores and what surprised me the most that the so-called malay movie choose well spoken english cast for the characters! I love the bilingual language playing around the scenes. Some might find it confusing..sekajap english sekajap melayu but, tell me.. can you not be impressed that they literally spoke both language clearly? It is just so magnificent! You might detect fx layers if you are a computer geek (uhuh. Moi.) nonetheless, hot casts, sophisticated accent, incredible stunts and integrated 3D effects may lead you to ignore the flaws and focus on the movie until the end. Another good movie after Puteri Gunung Ledang :)
This movie however does not impressed me much. I do love it...really I do. But, at some point my expectation was higher than usual when it comes to fictional characters from Marvel comics. We always hope that they stick to the original on the other hand, they had to make several changes to make it more 'commercial' (damn you consumerism haha) Thor was no doubt meltingly hot and a cupid's ammo to every girls heart but, I still love the original.. the long gold-silky hair, the metallic helmet and importantly the massive solid bodeh :P At first, I drown into the story with all the Greek story and how they defeat the frost enemy (I'm not sure apa namanya but, they are equivalent to the orcs in LOTR haha my favourite villain) You would certainly admire the fighting scenes. It's incredibly awesome! As the plot thickens and Thor was banished and dump to earth... it became boring. All those great-awesomeness turn into tiny-timid to me. Suddenly you feel everything was fake and it seems like a low budget movie. The only interesting scenes are only during Thor's planet and that's it. Earth made it look boring and I just don't like the fact that they made the FBI as the untouchable god-like figure :s Why do ALL movie depicts them as the authority? Bleurgh. Apart from that, it made me to look forward for the Avengers movie that will be out this year. I would give 6/10 and its all because of the fx :)
Despite all my reviews... I would say I'm satisfied with the movie and that's that. You might have different opinion about it haha I respect all of it. I'm just a comic geek. We always want it look the same as the original. Or maybe it's just me? Hmmm...
Anyhooo... feel free to visit my Youtube channel here. I would really appreciate it! It's not that grand and I need a lot of things to improve my videos more while building up my subscribers. It's really hardwork :s but, I will try my best to upgrade it in the near future. Insyallah. I hope you guys have a great day :D Salam~

Moment adamant

2011-05-07T09:29:00.006+08:00

I went.

I endure.

I succeed!

Oh gosh... it is almost a week after I posted something here. Just let me explain with my none cliche excuses. Haha macam banar :P anyway... This week was really something to be remembered of. I have officially graduated! Which means I'm an official National Diploma holder in Information and Library Management! Yeay~ another step before being the sexy librarian haha as if that's possible.. Brunei does not endorse any sexual expression during working hours. So yea my mind was babbling about this auspicious Convocation. It was also an emotional journey too, It is the last time for our batch to meet up with each other and move on to their next stage of life. It was sure memorable but, I was not too keen to capture the moment using a camera. I don't have one! Hehe I can only rely on my friends to that (Ui.. kawan kawanku tersayang.. please do submit the convocation pictures with me too ah..) However, I had to admit what was really a turn off for me was the low budget preparation.. apart from the vast ocean of human curiosity staring at you on the face trying to find their relative, the decoration on the stage, the parking system, the booklet was in poor condition. My father was very VERY dissatisfied with it. Wawawa~

What's important, I have my diploma in my own hands. I was presented with 7 distinctions and 6 Merits for my result. I don't what that means in terms of the GPA grading system but, I feel thankful :) After the event ended, my parents and my siblings went to Times Square for lunch. As we headed home, I made another video in conjunction of my graduation day where I pour out what I feel about it and uploaded it in Youtube. I was going to update my blog afterwards however, my bestie; Hamni called and we went out to celebrate haha. We went to Jojo karaoke cafe, ate at Shabu Shabu (gosh..it was really a good place!) and catch a late movie at Qlap Mall. What movie? THOR!!!! I'll give my review on my next post because, I really have mix feelings about the movie.

Oh me uploading videos on Youtube? You didn't know? Oh you should not anyway! I feel embarrassed about it but, it's so addictively exciting! I've never explore Youtube as a community. As a matter of fact, I only use it to watch videos and that's that. I don't know why people send friend request, I never bother to know about my subscribers and that subscribe button they keep nagging about was nothing but a mere distraction during my video watching ritual. HOWEVER... now I learn more and more about the nature of the community and I discovered that there are actually real people behind those channels! We always assume that they didn't care much about us, they actually do! Real alive people administrating their videos while updating regularly.

Nonetheless, this new profound love for Youtube have taken a toll in my artistic routine. I usually give priority to Photoshop before Youtube but now, I cannot coupe both at the same time :s urgh. I think I'm having another artistic brain freeze again. Fuck eh. Or maybe I'm just exhausted by this hectic month. Either way... I know I can manage both in this near future. I just need to adjust my disoriented schedule a little to the left near to the fridge..apakan. Oh my god! It's my turn to cook for lunch! I'm late! Haha toodles everyone :D

Check my Youtube channel by clicking here

Melimpah

2011-04-30T07:24:00.007+08:00

There are 2 things that I can't stop pumping in my veins.

Art

Music

I bet all of you can relate to do that :) It's the easiest way to get high rather than sticking up to drugs and cigarettes. My friends know I'm not a smoker even though I do aware some people doubt that since my circle of friends do smoke, I mean my friends from way long in Secondary school up till now. I hang out with them but, never did once I find it tempting. You don't know how many times they tried to let me to have a go even sisha haha... oh how I missed them so much but, I think I'm gonna stick with Art & Music. (This is an unofficial message to the children-stay away from drugs haha)

Now addicted to music is different, it's a universal element that gives a huge influence to our life. The silence in real life is too loud and aching so, we tend to turn ourselves to music to enter our comfort zone. This is where all our hopes and dream live. Just like a few days ago, I was doing some more editing with my art and I was pretty stuck. I feel the work look so bland. For sure, I turn to music to help me. These artists help me to shape a form in my head which let me work easily.

What not to like about Sky Ferreira? Pop electric babe in the finest form! my favorite so far is her latest song-Traces. Her music really lightens my mood to explore pop art while making me want to dance to it haha.

Ahh... the father of post-modern rock. They totally grab my attention with the lyrics. Forget about music, most people find it bjork-isque. I love it though :) So structured and indefinite as I would like to define it. The rhythms is unconventional which is further magnified by their lyrics that seem to concentrate on political issue. Entah lah, it is such a genius to give hidden meanings at the same time made your art vision flourished :) My favorite quote from their song is:

"what if all the world you used to know is an elaborate dream?And if you look at your reflection, is that all you want to be?"

Perfume... a Japanese all girl pop star :D Seriously I don't understand a single word they were saying because it's all in Japanese haha. I just love their music and the music video is simply sophisticated!

On the contrary, Lauryn Hill is so humble and down to earth. I have high respect in her music because, she's not afraid to share what she thinks is 'the truth'. I have to admit, she's more focus on their religious aspect but, in a different context, she let us explore our innerself. I remember watching her MTV unplugged gig on TV and she was casual and so laid back while rapping using a guitar then... she cried at her song "I gotta find peace of mind" it was unintentional. She felt guilt to their God and I can relate to what she say and I quote:

"You love me despite myself, sometimes I fight myself
I just can't believe that you, would have anything to do
With someone so insecure, someone so immature
Oh you inspire me, to be the higher me"

Another major influence in my life is this band. 30 seconds to Mars. I'll do anything to be a part of their Echelon troops haha (antam liha) They're hot and talented, not forgetting their white-black-red theme oh gosh.. good combination of colors! Oh yes.. their music haha au..there are time I need to surround myself with dark & rebellious music in order to think out of the box. They lead me to it :)

Kerli Koiv, my favorite Estonian singer. The girl who dared to be different and yep she is. She build her own 'Army of Love' and spread the words with music. I don't know why but, have you realized nowadays the music industry is getting into that dark-cult vibe? Haha better be careful , or you might get brainwash :P and yet.. I devoted myself to her music :)

Need I say more? Apart from John Legend, Muse and Kanye West.. She's top of my list haha. Practically, when you have wrapped yourself into elements that assist you to be more productive, the outcome can be satisfying. It doesn't have to be grand and professional like experts. It should be pretty darn good to your standard and that progress is what you should be proud of :) AND this goes to any other work people strive for a living.

So yea.. I wrap up this post with my compilation of work I edited for the past few months for my blog. I share it to my fellow Youtube community too. I have a feeling that I'm gonna upload more there *gulp!* Toodles :D

Venthood

2011-04-28T13:41:00.006+08:00

Argh. I just want to pour this out right now. If you refer back to my previous post last week ( I think) I did mentioned that I still have a Myspace account. Yep, classic eh. I usually use it to seek infos about my favourite artists or just browsing around the latest news since they have integrated with Twitter and I don't have a Twitter account so yea...

Anyway, I always bumped into so called perverts who thinks I'm an easy target to mess with. They keep sending this messages for my Yahoo Messenger or my phone number. Urgh. Usually I ignored them. But, then there this black guy added me a few days ago and just inbox me saying 'I love you'. I know, it's just another one of those perverts who like to send this same messages to the other girls and see who replied to them. However, I find his message very impolite. I don't know him, I don't even made any effort to give a comment to his profile and all of sudden he said that to me. Of course I was kinda surprised and bummed out so, I just reply "excuse me?" THEN he started to reply in a rude manner. Want to read?
Oh, in case you can't see it clearly. Here you go.I was like..okay.. wtf he's so pissed off about? APAKAN! The nerve some people would do! Damn, I was so mad! He tell me that I was rude lah, apalah... what's his problem? How do he want me to response? Do he want me to say that I love him back? Eh sanang saja bunyinya.
I was going to let my anger go and hit back but, then I was thinking "Who am I kidding, I don't wanna be like him" so I just replied:

I'm sorry if you were offended by my words. Well, I guess it was my fault. I apologize. Thank you for being honest. Bye.

No matter how mad I was, I rather take the blame and apologize. I think I did hurt him in some way. Seriously I thought he's one of the spammers. Haha. But, yea...I don't bite back with anger. It does not make me a better person. Honestly...I really don't like people to take the word 'love' that cheap. I'm sorry if I sound too conservative but, I believe that love as a pure element and I don't messed around with it just to get attention. Luckily being an 'ugly scarred face ass' made me understand to learn the definition of love thoroughly. So thank you grumpy black guy.
But, after a few minutes he replied back and apologize for his words :) You see? Who would expect things turn out for the better :D We're cool now. Just because he's way far at America and I'm here in Asia doesn't mean we don't have feelings. It's astonishing enough to believe how the internet can convey forgiveness as well it can distribute anger. I guess that's how misunderstanding originates. Oh life.
I'll just make an effort to spread the positive light to everyone in anyway possible. I'll try :)

Shoutouts!

2011-04-27T21:19:00.003+08:00

A blessing in disguise
That's what I called it
Shoutouts time!
This post is made specially for my fellow talented Youtubers. They have made my day! The first shoutouts goes to this awesome acoustic band from Surrey, UK called Strover Streets. This charming band have an amazing voice which suits with that wicked guitar skills. They have posted this video last week for their Q&A session with the fans. They have answered my question too! Oh thank you so much :D I was surprised about it! However, I felt sorry for them because they had a tough time pronouncing my Youtube name. I used Rilhano which is actually a random scribble of my real name Norliha. I was laughing with them actually :p My favourite video is their acoustic cover of Kanye West 'All of the Lights' it was totally marvelous :D I recommend you guys to watch their videos. It's all goood~

The next channel is actually a local Youtuber that currently in UK at this moment to further his studies. He is passionate about making videos and comical in its own way. I'm sure you will be entertain by his nonchalant approach :) I really appreciate him mentioning me at the credit which you can view that at this video below. However, I would like to warn you if you're not comfortable with dirty laundry jokes (per se) expect the unexpected haha

Again, thank you all for being so cool. I really appreciate the way they recognize noobs like me in their channel haha. It shows how they didn't take their subscribers for granted. Give your support towards all the talented people you stumbled upon there, Youtube is such a great platform to achieve any dreams actually. It really helps you a lot if you know how to use it wisely :) Who knows who will be next? But, my main objective is to get my comment highlighted in the Eagles3 vid. One day.. maybe one day haha. Toodles everyone!

Vintage

2011-04-27T00:10:00.003+08:00

Being a rebel not just made you an outcast to the society but, unique in your own standard. I'm not it a mood to adhere to the same format all the time, I feel too tired to follow the same rule all the time haha. It's just a temporary phase because at this point my artwork seems to flourished more than the usual. Just for tonight, I feel like giving a different approach. just for tonight :) I can't sleep and that artistic kicks hard that my head bruised.

The essence of a great work of art always depends on your surroundings where as for me, I solely counting on music. My brain works better when I played Nine Inch Nails, Muse, Kerli Koiv and also Lauryn Hill to name a few. Urgh. The ambiance was sure volatile with ideas and visuals. There is nothing can stop my hands to start working on Photoshop.

Well, I'm out of words. Fuck. My brain is resisting to talk.

It's either I'm still trying to find a conclusion from my emotional weekend or I was experiencing grammar depletion. My god. I hope this is just temporary. My precious neurons... work with me, please?

Night everyone.

Life Perception

2011-04-23T10:58:00.003+08:00

Each day is like a story

With different chapters and ending

But, in the end I'm the one who's crying.

Forgive me for being over-emotional (or can I say a drama queen?) I guess when you are in your 'month' things just perceived life at a more intense level and my response well...is similar. Allah always...always bestowed you with challenges in your life to help you to be a better person in the future. His ways is different that at a point it is hard to comprehend nonetheless, the lesson you learnt from it can be beyond our expectation. That's how great Allah's affection can be.

Honestly, this week was not my finest moment when I think all over it. I don't know why I let my hormones to take control of my feelings. I tend to feel mad, frustrated, sad, depressed despite for a small cause. I feel so insecure with myself and became this fragile glass just ready to be shattered anytime. Practically, I was so pissed off with myself: I feel embarrassed, guilty and regret afterwards yet, I don't understand why.

Now...as I mention above, Allah has got His own unique way to comfort us. Just yesterday I went downstairs and start my cooking routine: Start with cooking, washing the dishes, cleaning up the table, and then I changed the radio frequency to Pilihan FM and what a sore luck...it's Ezan my least favorite Deejay. That's really exacerbate my mood :s

(I do apologize if any one of you feel offended by me resenting Ezan, I understand she is a good local deejay with her own way to entertain her listeners but, I have my own reason not to be one of her fans. Everyone have their own taste right?)

I was in no luck to change into other stations because almost every of it were playing some corny love song that I was not so keen to listen so, my only option was to continue listening to Ezan but, then she played a song that rarely in her playlist. In fact, it was the song that I was introduced by one of my old chat mate a few months ago when I was so down at that time. I guess he was too tired listening me talking too much of my problem so he decided to give me this link in Youtube (Kasian ya eh haha)

It was a video that his father showed to him when he was small. The video was about guys nailed to crucifixes waiting for their death in a scorching desert. One of the guy started to sing about 'always look the bright side of life' and 'always look the bright side of death' I had to laugh because they all began to sing together despite of their excruciating pain. It was a funny contradiction. You might feel uncomfortable since it touched Christianity directly, it was one of those english comedy that you tend to ignore the underlaying truth in religious aspects.

So...returning to my story, I have to convey my sincere thanks to Ezan for playing that song. It really gives back my smile another hope. The world seems brighter again. You see...even the least favourite person can be such an angel at your despair moment, all I can say is Praise to Allah :) I do believe there will be more adversity lurking but, I'll try to overcome it one step at a time. At this time, I had Ezan to help me with my life. Oh life, you're so weird :)

Moments

2011-04-20T10:21:00.001+08:00

My mum usually wake us up with a nag but, this morning she started with a news. A close relative of my grandmother that we usually called Nini Diah have passed away. It was not something I was too keen to hear in an early morning :(
We always visited her during Hari Raya because my grandmother (previously with my late grandfather too) will started the first day of Syawal by visiting our relatives at the neighborhood after us having our berjarah session with my grandmother. She usually welcomed us in her wheelchair and I love it when both my grandmother and Nini Diah greet each other. Woman in their 90s meet up and talk...I don't usually get that type of experience all the time.
So, when my mum breaks the news... it took me a while to indulge the information but, after a few minutes...my mind had these flashbacks about Nini Diah, her family, her house...everything that it somehow brings this sudden rush of sadness in me. Sadness of the lose of a beloved relative. I feel the pain of my cousins, her family, my family. I just cannot help it but, weep. Honestly, I'm not good when handling facts about death. The emotions just burst instantly and it took a while for me to recover.
What really happened when sadness starts to struck you always begins at the core which is your heart. Your heart plays a different beat in fact... slower. You mind will eventually in a rage war of logic and ethics such as one side said "Do you need to cry?" while the other echoed "She's no longer alive" and all the drama between it burdened you head that it produce tears to overflow from your eyes. Your eyelid starts to swollen and tear ducts filled more and more. You just know to let it all out. Lastly, your smile are too tired to work and practically you ended up as Ms sobbing-eye bags.
On another note, I love life and as much I hate to accept it, death is part of life. As another life ended, another life is born somewhere out there. It's up to us to move on and live the life the fullest before Allah send Malaikat Izrail to do its job. It is due to the fact that Nini Diah will be no longer with us made me so sad. I'm gonna miss her so much :"-(

Life brings tears, smiles and memories. The tears dry, the smile fades but the memories live on forever. - Anonymous

[Al-Fatihah]

Limb&Bones

2011-04-19T00:28:00.003+08:00

Restrain me
Anyone? Please?
I'm supposed to be sleeping right now...
Another day after a great Sunday. I do not remember to plan my days ahead especially with things to do in the whole 24 hours. Visualize this:
6-9am: Participating Larian Belia Kebangsaan.
10-1pm: Attending my cousin's wedding at Madewa.
4-6pm: Hiking at Tasik Lama with Jura.
I thought I would finally freshened up myself and get some early rest after a long day but, since my sister was finishing her thesis for her final semester at UBD along with her friends in the living room not forgetting my parents that haven't had a proper meal during lunch since we were at the Wedding... I cannot resist myself to open the fridge and dig some chicken and vegetables to cook some decent dinner for them. I only managed to rest my sore legs after a good shower after 10pm. Oh gosh...you guess right what would I feel the next day. My body all worn out and my all joint muscles ached like hell haha. I walk slower than sloth on a treadmill. Glad to know that that Sunday was sure something to remember...I manage to bumped into some old friends and cousins that I haven't contacted for a while ever since I deactivated my FB.. in one whole day! Alhamdulillah :)
I have to be honest that I will not post much for today... My arms hurts the most right now haha I desperately need to heal these torn muscles :P However, I was awfully lucky because after I did my house chores and open my Youtube, I suddenly remembered about the Coachella Music Festival which was held in California. It is one huge event that brought various artists to perform in the location for a period of 3 days.
I only managed to watch the live Webcast of Kanye West whole performance and darn...I was speechless (particularly I was shrieking my voice out but, I couldn't talk properly haha) He sang all his major hits such as Runaway, Stronger, Power, Good Life, E.T, and loads more. I love the fact that he was singing instead or lip-syncing like most artists would do even though we have to admit he was not gifted with an angelic voice to sing but he was given a mind of a legendary rapper to decipher. He blews me away with his sick rapping skills and the finale made me in tears because he sang the last song specially dedicated for his late mother that passed away a few years ago. He loves his mother so much and I can sense how he cherished her days with him. Oh Kanye...apart from your rock hard ego... you are a great performer *2 thumbs up*
Coachella... Thank you so much for the live webcast! I'm heading off to bed right now... sleepy eyes are too precious to ignore ;) Salam!

Weekend Fondue

2011-04-16T10:13:00.002+08:00

The human mind
Tangled with neurons
or Amygdala beats me up.
I'm getting soak into amazing book by Daniel Goleman on Emotional Intelligence. Who knows the human mind can determined our success and development? Your impulse become uncontrollable for different necessities. His perception on intelligent vs emotion made me redefined what I assume my feelings towards life. I'm going to get so much trouble after this.. oh God-Osh! As Aristotle stated in his 'The Nicomacheon Ethics'

Anyone can become angry-that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purposes, and the right way-this is not easy.

When our emotion aroused by an event that seems 'threatening', we just couldn't control ourselves but to react. The outcome differs from one to another but, what's sure...the damage is irreversible. However, I do have my doubts on his findings since it is bias in terms of religious belief. I don't see him quote on God...yet. Haha.. I'll try to read more on his book, I haven't finished it yet so...we will see where it goes :)
Jumping on Kaka Bey's updates (Isn't it weird that this does not related to my thoughts above haha) Her new song 'Girl' is in process!!! Oh my gawd... I need to leave a space in my music playlist for her song nanti! There are a lot of snippets on the song but, like the greatest fan I'm proud to be (buh.perasaaan) I'll wait till the music video is officially out. She is such an inspiration *tsk tsk*Oh I adore her so much (Despite of the fading statements on her pregnancy...banarkah actually?)
You can punch me on the face and knock my teeth out. I'm getting my artistic cloud out of my system and let it rain heavily.... It's overflowing and I love it! The only problem is... I cannot stop the tap from making me drown in the sea of art vision (apakan?) I just change my Youtube background. Yes... I cannot help it... I think my head is way out of control (What Mr Goleman would say about creativity ah?) The other day when I was out with my Bestie, she played Jessie J's album and I was so hooked with it which made my heartbeats pumping to do more artwork. Having a crappy picture is not an excuse anymore.. My little ideas is filling up my brain and it wants out! Help me.. I think I'm addicted to Photoshop again (yeay!)
Another thing that I want to share is I want to give my sincere preciation to all my readers . I never did say thanks to you properly because I was caught up with my fantasy all the time haha. No matter who you are, my family, my friends, my virtual dog, my cat outside, spammers, the fish in the sea, you who stumbled upon my blog for no reason or my lovely aliens from E.T, I thank you all for reading my scribbles which sometimes seem crazy and irrelevant to your life but, this is my way to share my thoughts that seems so illusive when you approach to me in person. I love you guys! You're my awesomeness :D

Newsflash

2011-04-13T17:21:00.004+08:00

Slumber night
At Hamni's!
Had to wear pink (-_-")
Nah.. not really a slumber party, more like an-accidentally-late-already-sleeptah-night. Haha. For the first time in my life, I wore pink (it's hers actually). and heck it's just not what I like to wear for sleeping haha. Baju kurung ada la...but, for me...sleeping is like your sanctuary to your innerself. Pink and I don't blend haha. Anyway,what's more important. I was having fun! She finally got herself a new car (Congratulations dear!) we did some cam-vain moment and I do some editing before I went to sleep! Perhaps I would better talk about other stuff ey? I guess today's topic will focus on hopes and motivation. More like advices towards enduring life's uncertainty. I too was falls victim into it but, I guess when you tend to observe life in a different perspective, your philosophy about life got mixed up haha.
Let me share you a quote from Elinor Hoyt Wylie (Let no Charitable Hope):

"In masks outrageous and austere
The years go by in single file;
But none has merited my fear,
And none has quite escaped my smile."

Isn't that sweet? I love the notion of despite of all the adversity and fear building in our life, we still can smile and embrace the beauty of it :) It's a true fact. When you encountered a wall or should I say a challenge that deemed possible to manage. You either give up or face it. Only a few choose the latter due to the fact that they feel so hopeless. "Why should I do it?", "Is it worth my time and effort?", "How can I coupe with it in the future when it's this hard?" and more doubts started to race in your mind. A sub drama of your anxiety that feeds your motivational value to give a try. I don't know about you guys but, how many of you see our people grab the opportunity when it's offered? Most of the time I can hear "Nda ku mau eh!" which follows by feeling of embarrassment. whatever social stigma sticks with it, it certainly doesn't do any good.
The life course always lay a number of option for you to browse at. What restricted you is just your effort. The principle of meritocracy most precisely. No matter how unfair life can be when you give your best, there is actually a reason for it and your 'unappreciated' effort doesn't make you a lesser human. What I'm trying to explain is that, you never know how sweet life actually when you finally make an attempt. There are several phases you need to pass by: The first phase is grab the opportunity, the second phase will be giving your effort at your best while the last phase will determined whether the effort suits the requirement of where you applied for. If they choose you well, congratulations but, if it's the opposite... you most likely feel your world shattered.
Damn it, that's the reality of life that haunts you sometimes it bruised your soul indefinitely. At this point, not much would look back and see their effort is actually an achievement in their life. You can be proud for what you have done. It's better to see the silver lining in a rainbow, a bitter sweet symphony that needs time to heal and yet you will be smiling when you done moping haha. So, I guess that's the end my blabbing for this post. Hopefully, it brings back some strength in any of you out there. Smile everyone. You're lucky to be alive, isn't that such a big reward already? Alhamdulillah :)

Smile and enjoy life have installed for you, I know I did!

Whatcha!

2011-04-11T00:49:00.003+08:00

Salam everyone!
Another week spent..
Perhaps the most blessed!
It has been a week passing by the unpredictable April. I may say... I thought my life would be boring as usual but, Alhamdulillah it was more than I expected! Where should I begin? Hehe..
It was sure a blessing, my friend from SMB invited her old schoolmates for her wedding! The best part was not attending it (I was not available huhu) but, visiting her the day before. She was about to do henna on her hands when we arrived. She was surprised but, I can see she was happy to see us... It has been a long time! I think more than 6 to 8 years haha. It was a brief visit but, I was smiling to my cheeks just to see her again! Oh my.. Anyway, I had another opportunity to meet another classmates that I haven't encounter in that same year. My god, we had a lot of catching up to do :D It was for sure a blessing...really it was. Thanks Linda for treating us too haha. On the other hand, my ILM mates from MTSSR was never too faraway. Amall & Jura tend to come by and hang out for a chill session while at the end of week, my fellow Abg Hussin and Abg Bob helped us climb Bukit Mentiri. I never thought I would survive! Haha Thank god... I finished the whole track :D Thank you so much everyone, this is nonetheless the best week so far.
Lets move on to the non related story about my week ( Oh forgive me... my life mostly revolves around internet and my home masa ani) I did some changes into my Myspace account. Yes. I still have an account there as a matter of fact, this is one my oldest account since social network was introduced. I love the fact that they allow customizing using HTML, it was sure fun! As you can see above, they also let us to insert marquee (or banner) that really made my head working again haha. I love you Myspace!
Do anyone here a movie addict? Is this movie available at the Mall? I was wondering because I really want to see it! This movie is based on a true story of a female surfer. I just found out its trailer tadi... What made is so intriguing is the music background by Katy Perry-Firework. Take my words... this maybe something that worth watching. Unfortunately, I don't want to elaborate more on the synopsis. The trailer says it all so, I hope you can browse it if you feel you need to know why this 'Bethany Hamilton' is life inspiring. Check it out everyone :D
And another thing... I'm so hooked with Katy Perry's E.T music video! It's an upbeat song that made me do head banging for no reason. Most importantly, the make up for the scene were awesome! I bet there are a lot of CGI going on there and it made me wonder who is behind this cosmo theme MV. Not a good look to an evening stroll though haha. It was sophisticated yet eclectic. I bet Mr E.T will be proud of Katy too! Or is he??Joking bah... haha that has nothing to do with the video. I wish it does either way, it will be an amazing parody vid. Enough with the blabbing Liha... Sleep! Haha toodles :)

Morning Snore

2011-04-09T01:37:00.004+08:00

I can't sleep
So, I turn to Photoshop
and internet :)
Lately, my thoughts shivered upon my previous post. Violence and abuse... gosh.. who never knew such act is a gruesome. I just couldn't stop thinking what happened to all those poor victim that falls into such situation. I tried to swallow the information and move on but, I guess it leaves a huge scar to myself. This is not something we can take it as a joke. Who would willing to see their own kin received blows after blow by their own family? I would understand if they were punished for their mistake or bad manners but, nothing? How do you define 'nothing'? An action that were not made I guess. Do you get feedback for doing nothing?
This really gives me flashbacks on the World War II event in 1945. "The attempt of Germany to exterminate several nation viewed as 'subhuman' by Nazi ideology" [Wikipedia]. During that period, Germans were acknowledged as Aryan Master Race and the subhuman are just a parasitic race that threatens their objective of creating a modern great nation. In order to survive they introduced ideologies and movements that swept away the nation (and life too) It was really an ugly scene and Alhamdulillah, despite the Japanese busy occupying our country, we were not the German's main target. The total amount of victims that involved in the Holocaust was up to 60 million. The victims didn't do anything wrong. They were only guilty for their race. It was a punishment for 'nothing'.
I remember watching Life is Beautiful starring the Italian comedian, Roberto Benigni. It has this amazing bathos element in the movie about the Holocaust which made me crying while laughing with glee. I find it hard to explain my feelings at that time because the story ended with him dead (haha movie spoiler!) Overall, that movie made my mind thirst for more. I want to understand how hard the adversity during that particular era so, I dived into movies such Schindler's List and The Pianist. It was very disturbing and I ended up sleeping late because I had to calm myself over and over again.
Basically, I was intrigued by human capability to posses such animal instinct. Physically assaulting someone with intention of self satisfaction....D'Andre told his tough life coping such adversity. It was not easy to be in pain for 22 years and I bet he is not alone. Other parts of the world even here in Brunei, someone is hiding all those hardship they had to face by themselves.
Sometimes I wish we have this pain-detector to alarm any violence taking place. If the arrow points to 1-3, its consider as normal pain from fall or careless accident however, if the arrow points at 9 to 10 repetitively. You know you have to make a move. Well, it's worth dreaming about inventions. I just feel strongly that a life is not worth to be wrapped in agony. Yet, I accept the fact that.. it was never perfect.
Oh Lord, please help the weak souls from dying. Give them hope when they hit their lowest point. Strengthen their patience and their will to live from night to daylight. Let them see life is worth living :"-) Amin.

Hope.

2011-04-05T21:48:00.003+08:00

One life...one story..one click.
Can a life be heard by other soul when the mind is so wrapped in their pool of problems. Can a life of 22 years, compact into a 40 minutes video gets your attention when you can only hear the streets, the fan and his voice. Just a voice.
This voice speaks out his mind out sharing how he have live his life for the last 22 years. A Barbados-American more precise that don't have any relation with me or any other Bruneians. A guy that records himself for Youtube with his loud,obnoxious temper... he creates a comedy out of it. A comedy out of his life. His devastating yet disturbing life. I bet viewers find 40minutes is too lengthy. Too time consuming. Too much.

I find nothing.

Nothing but pain and heartache. I sink into his words, captivating by him speak. He doesn't speak with charisma nor he was trying to make people listen. He was just plain honest. Trying to pour out the 'real siggas' he refered himself. I'd never favoured his video because of his outburst temper. Complaining about the society, making fun on everyday life and just irrelevant grumble. I don't find it amusing but, he was funny in his own way.

This video however, reveals the opposite. A life I never did aware of anyone can survive it. I listened to him attentively; every words...every mumble...every whisper. He was in pain but, his temper was a facade. He never showed any tears but, from his words...I sensed his agony, his torturing past and also his loss.

We live in a different surroundings and of course we endure a different set of challenges. This challenges can come step by step but, some flooded you for years. I have listen a lot of hardship and today, I lunged into another one unprepared. I was shocked at first...my eyes stared blankly at the screen and I whimpered silently to his words. Just pure honest words. He made me trembled and my soul shaken. I was unprepared, my mind suddenly wrapped into his story. Seem impossible but, it's true. I feel the devastation, the pain, the loss and the sorrow.

I believe everyone wants a normal life to enjoy with. Touched by affectionate parents, embrace by our adolescent, feeling love by our surroundings and yet living the life despite all adversity. He never have the chance to start that way. He didn't get the choice to decide and passively accept the life he had. His naivety of a beautiful life shattered by his own family; his own blood and skin.

In the midst of his challenges, he finds solace in humor. But, little did he know.. a pinch of hope or contentment in general were exchanged with the life of his closest relative: his friend, his mother and his grandmother. The grandmother that never agree upon giving him to foster care by his mother at the first place. Now he strive to get his life back on track with no one to turn to. On his own feet, his own sweat and tears. He attempt to make a better life out of nothing other than his comedy. A comedy of his own life. He conveys his story not in a poem, a bed time story or an article. He expressed it with his obnoxious temper and never once his tears drop for his excruciating past. He never did.

My soul was bruised by his pain. I stare at the screen for a long time trying not to remember everything he said. But, it was too late. my soul hears him and I was caught in his unconcealed heartache. A heartache of a sorrow life. It was hard to breathe and it was unbearable to smile. That video have scrapped the smile on my face. It took me hours to recover. I was absolutely numb. I have listen to a story that I never did endure and ever not in a million years that I want to be in his shoes. His (adamant) courage he enthused from his grandmother was his only joy and hope. It was her loss that made him pushed into a better life.

It made me realize how blessed I am as a person. I went through my own terms of adversity but, never did I questioned whether other faced much much more worst than a life we think is possible. I was hurting but, Allah rewards you for your endurance and exchanged it with a better living. Imagine this guy lives his 22 years nothing but abused and devalued morality. He was one of the few people that survived and see the light above it and alive to share the story and now I pass it to you and the rest of the world to see.

Before, I wrap up my post, I would like to share a quote from Maya Angelou from her poem 'Still I Rise':

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

He will rise no matter how life brushed away his spirit. This is for you...Thank you D'Andre Siggas I salute you. Our hopes and pray are for you. Live on Siggas.

Indecisive

2011-04-02T23:41:00.004+08:00

When you got lemon
Make lemonade
and add some zest in it!
How is everyone today? Mine's good so far. As much as I want to get out there and contribute my energy to the society, I feel like while waiting my graduation, I'll just go with the flow and do some house chores while I'm at it. It has been a while doing the cooking or at least spent time at my home. It seems boring but, looking at the bright side, I finally can catch up what I've been missing at home :)
And also I got time to catch up doing some action for Youtube haha. I did some make up and shoot a vid and upload it there. The result may not be as grand but, I'm satisfy with the result. I only want people enjoy my twisted objectives but, in the end I only pissed them off. Oh that's life. You just cannot satisfy everyone haha. For sure I'm not one of those trolls who wanders around people vids and make spams and cruel comments. Enough said :)
I made a video on Kesha's song-Dinosaur because I cannot get that it out of my freakin mind. It's so catchy and I just couldn't stop thinking how great it would be to make a video for old perverts haha. Eventhough I'm not one of those attractive chicks but, I got my moments too (kan mau tia jua haha) seriously. Whenever I think about it, it brings out the goosebumps out of me. Why don't they change? Oh gosh.. It's true what people said, men is like wine: it took years for them to mature haha... No offense.
I hope you enjoy the video. Don't expect much out of it. It's simple and crazy yet, sarcasm at its greatest haha. Oh! The things you can do with the internet....

I just realize it's April already. I wonder how people do during 1st April? Pranks doesn't seem to be interesting nowadays :s I remember a saying by this person... "Nowadays, the sense of empathy tend to be set aside rather than embracing it." Look at the Fail videos. How many of you felt sorry to those victims of carelessness? How many of you actually take it as a lesson? I'm no monk but, there are millions of viewers laughing at the videos rather than sheds a tear. I know it's funny. But, when I look back...Life doesn't used to be this pathetic. Where is the love? (Black Eyed Peas exclaimed.) Is consumerism and globalization swallow all our humanity? Do we rather held our heads high when other people slaving their butts off for a dime? Hopefully, we can seek solace in finding answers to these question rather than starting an argument. Well, what's your thought? Think about it :) Toodles!

Back it up

2011-03-30T21:12:00.003+08:00

Not in the mood for vainism
I sense sentimental value
Trying to creep inside..
Taking a life few steps back. I was alone in the house and it was raining heavily. The thunder growls violently and the cloud screams so hard. I was left with no internet connection or Astro channel for a while because, I need to switched off both. I can feel my mind voicing out more clearly. It wants me to look in the past and compare with my life right now. It wants me to remember. So, like a frigging darn loving person that I 'm suppose to be, I accept the challenge. Let the flood of literature begins :) I remember staring at the window,
The lovely sun shining peeks,
Letting all its warmth to all,
Nature grabs it and embrace it with glee,
I was in glee.
I was happy.
The fluffy clouds joined in,
Giggling to the pure love,
The more love it felt,
The more clouds join in.
I remember it was happy.
I was happy.

My hands touch the sun,
It hug me tight.
Rigid to my heart,
I still remember it's strength.
I still remember.
I wish I will remember
More than the time feeds the hour,
More than air sways with power,
More than life able to offer.
Towards where should I believe,
The essence of a heart could give?
In a quest for a thought,
To let it lay to rot,
In a desert sea of doubt and anxiety,
Or to hold its virtue full with glee.
I remember it was happy,
I was happy. I look up and see
The sun were no doubt so lovely :)

P/S: Aku saja paham ni haha.. I'll reward you if you can decipher it :)

Sunday Tag

2011-03-27T14:05:00.002+08:00

Watching Bintang Kecil
Baru start jua
Got to give my comments!
Can I scream out loud to open their eyes or something? I freakin hate the wardrobe!!! It's a total distraction towards their obviously amazing talents! Why do they have to go through this phase... oh gosh... Such talented young ones... yet... such terrible wardrobe. Urgh. Please please let them be naturally beautiful. With that awful caked make up and degrading constumes which I don't know why the parents think it's something beautiful to actually let it dangling on their child's body. Oh lord... help me not to go other areas; Dancers? Decoration? WARDROBE AGAIN? Seriously..I'm not urging them to do a lot of changes but, I just wish it build up its quality from time to time. Still, I can see the same thing that I see 10 years ago! I actually wore the same fabric when I was a kid! Oh disaster.. I want to be optimistic towards their effort really I do but, this embarrassing fact really caught my eyes..grr..grrr... nagging liha comes out tepulang.Thanks a lot RTB!!
Moving on.. I realized that I haven't post much on my blog because honestly... I wasn't favoring this week. Yea... need some time out to everything for once. I just want to make something different today. I'll be doing tags! Haha...A good friend of mine Pu-3 post the handwriting tag which actually requires people to write on a piece of paper but, since aku malas kan ambil scanner dibawah haha I just make it through Photoshop hahaha...atleast I'm not scrapping the whole objective right?? So yea.. keep on reading ;p
Sorry if you can't see it clearly. With this limited space I had... just bear with the compressed size hahah. Come join in the tag if you want to alright? I tag you!
Michelle Phan made a Random Facts vid last few days. I'm not sure if she meant to tag but, I love to answer too! Tapi kan.. ehe... She's a Youtube Guru and I'm just a puny human hahaha... so I'll just answer it here saja.. As long I join in the fun, there's no harm right?
Okay.. my 5 random facts, brace yourself!
1) I'm a Youtube addict! I would checked out latest vids from channel I subscribed and I would love comment and like if I love the video. It's much more updated and unfiltered compare to the TV. So yea.. if I'm in my truth seeking mode, I would just browse YTube for facts.
2) I love black! or is it obvious? Most of my things are black, my cats, my mobile phone, baju kurung, bags, my favourite rugby team and I would love to paint my nail black. It's such a dynamic color that exudes sophistication at its best. Can you see? It's all over my blog haha..
3) My brain keeps on visualising my next work that I should make with Photoshop... even my hands would join in to... hehe
4) I don't stare people on directly when I'm going out. It's either because my blurry vision led me not to focus much because I tend to get dizzy afterwards or I just rather to just walkaway from seeing people in the eye. Unless it's children... I tend to succumb to their cuteness haha but, adults? I'm so sorry if I look unfriendly. I keep remembering what my english teacher, Ms Alkaff reminds us "Lower your gaze"
5) I don't know how Ayam Penyet taste like. Haha.
So that's all from me today haha. I hope it's worth your time reading it. I really appreciate it if it did... oh I miss my friends :s Toodles~ salam!

Blue rythm

2011-03-23T23:48:00.001+08:00

Reality seems to hit
Really bad
I mean really..
I guess I'm hitting my lowest point right now. I could just cry, mourn, feel sorry for everything because, at some point... I'm afraid I'm making the same mistakes all over again. I just don't want every effort I've done wasted just because one plain action. Who ever wonder the impact one decision can make a huge impact o our life. Amazing. I'm so scared...what if it's the same thing and I had to endure it again.. Oh gosh, I'm not that strong... I just want to move on so bad. That's what I feel recently.. but, today I went blog walking to other Bloggers while asking them to visit mine. I come across a blog called Spiritual Garden owned by Nonnie :) She is nominated as the best personal blog in Brunei. I second that. It's a sweet blog and in my despair, one of her post made me smile. I quote

I love life.
Life is short so I often remind myself how much more there is to life than the negative. I keep away from energy-vampires, people who loves to rant, complain, sulk (I mean, I do too, everyone does that, but not every day, every hour and to everyone) and yet doesn’t want to do something about it.
Of course life is unfair and everyone knows it. There’s really no need enlarging your problem with a magnifying glass making yourself feeling more terrible, just be glad that at least you’re still alive now, there’s still chance to make things better. When I think of life, I thought of laughter, motivation, kindness and faith. It’s really just a matter of whether you think the glass is half empty or half full, totally your choice.

I couldn't help it but, to smile and release a huge sigh. It's something I want to hear at this moment. Something to remind me about life and why is it worth living. So kudos Nonnie, you are my savior today :) I seek solace to your words and eventhough I still feel demotivated, I still can see hope in my life. Just visit her at www.kisich.blogspot.com You can sense the warmth in her words and the blog itself.

As for me.. I need to get over with this feeling... Another setback and yet more to come, I say.. bring it on. Hit me hard while I'm at it. Let it be a challenge to my faith and belief. Just let it be.

Over me

2011-03-21T01:27:00.000+08:00

My god..finally its finished
My new template!
Do the chicken dance!
I never imagine today will be the day that I shift into another chapter in my life. I've been nagging that I'll be changing my template over and over again but, I tend to get so 'M' and being distracted to other things that I never get my hands working! Urgh. However, I am happy to report that the torturing phase is over and I can now sit back and relax.I'm gonna miss it so much (T_T) it's like my first template I customized by myself. Oh yes... no plagiarism included for sure. Everything done from scrap. So yea... this new template is the latest version. When I look back at my old background, I realised I didn't execute it quite well. And the fern on the side really bugs me. Now the new template is upgraded and more wide in length. It took me the whole freakin 2 months to decide on the design. I was out of inspiration. My head was so burn out that I couldn't detect any creativity inside. So yea... finally, the outcome is much of my expectation. Hurrah!On the 3rd March, it was my first birthday that I didn't set my head in celebrating it much. Not that I'm depressed of my inclining age haha infact, being older give me more permission to trespass fields that I haven't yet reach. (This time, I don't see any reason for excuses *evil* hahahah!) I also wasn't had my head in it. Imagine the eve of my birthday, I had to stay awake, finishing all the documents need to be filled and printed which needs sorting out afterwards. I was so stessed out thinking about where to go on the next day to send out my application form since the closing date was 'rumored' on my birthday but, we received our results on the 2nd! Just try to be in our shoes, I had to prioritize this before any other else not forgetting I had a cold too to excerbate the hot temper. Thank you to my friends and lecturers who helped me to go through it. My friends and I went together through the whole process so, it really lessen the stress level. Oh, I'm gonna remember that!
But, fortunately I celebrated my birthday prior to my sisters planning to do a BBQ/Steambot for my sis Birthday (2nd March) Selajur lah durang... apa, save budget? haha Thanks to my Bestie Hamni for coming eventhough I know she really have a hectic teacher schedule. Not forgetting my cousin, Daus too. Everything was in moderate (except for the food) but, my mind was already set to snooze early. Basically, my day come and go faster than I thought. I wish Faiz was there too than I feel complete hahah, miss his lousy divaness.
Honestly, I feel so great to do posting again. You don't know how much my fingers are itching to type out my thought and now, I can finally do it! The tutorial blog will be next!
P/S: Congratulations to all my friends who got shortlisted for the ITB written test. Do your best :D Chayo~~

Hear ye!

2011-03-01T18:58:00.002+08:00

It's another March!

I wish I can enjoy

But results will be out TOMORROW!

On the 2nd of March, my GC have confirmed that our BDTVEC in National Diploma will be released at 2pm. FINALLY XD

I'm not worried about how good my grades are. I'm so happy that I have finally completed my course and at the same time fulfill my duty to help my classmated to succeed as well :) It's one hell of journey and hopefully with the transcript in hand, I can further my studies with my friends in this field again, Amin. Wish me luck everyone. I don't need or crave any greetings or presents right now. I just need your blessings that I can get a government scholarship to fund my studies abroad (since this course are not available in HND or degree level here boo-hoo) Been here and there doing research to University that have this specific course. Hopefully, any of us can be one of it. If it's not me, I will accept it but, I'll prayers that my juniors will continue the steps and go on through the path. Amin. I pray for everyone to succeed in their fields Amin. (Haha omg.. it seems that I'm very determined about this. damn.

And one thing... I know I have not been blogging lately because I was busy with the HECAS thingy (and playing games uhuk uhuk) I actually was going to reconstruct this blog with any layout. Hopefully I can finish it within this month INCLUDING my 2nd blog to be filled in. I'll get my hands on this after I completed my application so for now..

Im on hiatus! salam~

Gwa gwa

2011-02-19T01:59:00.003+08:00

Results...

Where art thou?

Thee soul is yearning.

I couldn't sleep right now and I just watch a horror movie... I'll give the reviews later ;p So anyway, what's up you? I have my schedule filled with house chore, internet surfing and digging vacancy in the internet and newspapers. Urgh. The waiting is always the hardest part apart from interviews. Just wish me luck :) I really need it right now.

As for school, I remind the GC about our result because we need it before the HECAS application ended. While waiting for all of that, I went browsing for University to further HND on librarianship *double urgh* it's hard to find it. I did visited educational exhibition booth at ICC and asked the scholarship department and also James Hon. I've already tried HRD but, UK seems futile. No matter how bitter it seems, I wont stop finding alternatives. Thanks to Amall and Jura who went through it with me since last year. I hope all of us can further our studies in this field :) Amin.

Moving on... the fact that my life are now prioritize on finishing house chores in the morning till noon, I succumb myself with the virtual realm to work on my Photoshop and my youtube obsession *ehem* where I found this music video dedicated to all bookworms! Who say B.worms can't decipher like a brotha? Go to this link to browse the MV http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuRuwR2JSXI and all I can say... I laughed out loud! He's such a menace to the library community eventhough it's good to know his love to book reading.

What's more... John Legend have released another single! *Shrieking* He's back! Not forgetting he won the Grammy :3 I'm so looking forward on his latest album (If he did produce one) Why am I highlighting him right now is because, his song "Shine" is another life loving song :D The lyrics is just so powerful yet he soothes with a slow jazz rythm. He left me smiling with my heart haha. Ohh let me be~

Before I ended my post, I want to share a piece of his lyrics . I love when he said, and I quote:

"Hold them close,

let them know they'll get through the night
Ordinary people could be a hero,

don't blow out the light.
Let them shine."

The beginning of an end

2011-02-12T01:11:00.004+08:00

Can life be more easy?

But, if it did...

It's not a life worth living :)

I went for a job interview last thursday and safely saying... I wasn't suited for the position i applied haha. It's worth trying though :) Making the first step will always be the hardest but, it's something you got to do if you really want to move to the next level. Something that can make me click to give more effort. We will just see hows the outcome next time. Moving on~

LADY GAGA latest single is officially out! I'm not one of the obsessed fan of Lady G but, lately it's part of my playlist. Nothing personal though.. I just need some music that appears mindless and yet have that artistic element not everyone can oversee. where her lyrics come from, (where that amusingly sophisticated outfit derives from) or what secret message she's trying to convey. We just never know... as much as I like to say she pulls out something avantgarde to grab attention of the people, she still look mysterious at some point it made you wonder "is she an alien or a robot?" Lady G.... intriguing public figure :)

One thing for sure... I'm loving this song! A feel good music for all people! Especially when i quote " Don't be a drag, Just be a Queen," Good to know that more life loving song is coming in! Hurrah~

Pretty much, I'm struggling to find my artistic vibe again. I have the urge to escape from Brunei again :s One thing for sure.. Stadium~ I miss jogging! I miss swimming too (but, the chlorine really messed up my scalp..ketombe!) Urgh. Much worst, I miss my friends :( Oh dunia~ this is such a bittersweet journey. Let me dig in to Gaga music for now... Check out my Youtube channel at this link http://www.youtube.com/user/rilhano to see vids I have uploaded. Not into social network right now... most probably I'm hooked with Myspace for now, it's easier to browse for underground music there :)

P/S: The black cat that I assume the resident cat just gave birth to 3 black and white kittens! Unfortunately, she move it all around the area.. haven't seen it since :s I want it so bad...

Price Tag

2011-02-04T17:08:00.002+08:00

Over delayed

May I say...

I'm getting high!

It is said that you should made some activity a habit within 3 weeks to be comfy in that state. I was planning to go with active.slash.energyboost type but, in the end... most of my time, I spend at home :( It sucks. Not because, I went sloath.. just that, the wet season just focus most on evenings and early mornings... which is MY jog time at Stadium. urgh. I'm totally slouching! This couldn't be happening. Sometime, it happens for a reason. the fact that I overused my muscle most of the time.. i guess, I really need to slow down sometime. I hope I can learn how. I miss jogging so much. Well, aside from finding a job at these moment, I got hitch with internet. I discover DailyBooth which is like Twitter but with pictures. It's fun that I keep forgetting to update my blog! (That's an early warning of addiction) However, that doesn't stop me from updating with everything that happens around the world; Egypt revolution? Oh gosh.. it is so depressing to see such adversity. It's stupid at one hand because if they were fighting for democracy, their method does not reflect a good image of it. I don't understand their definition of patriotism and I think the demonstration that goes on right now is just way far across the line. Urgh. Well, other news... Cyclone at Australia, Blizzard at the States and Flood in Malaysia. The early year always been volatile.. we just have to bear with it. Moving on with the music I'm hooked right now...umm Rocketeer by Fareast Movement, Kesha's Blow and the latest Jessie J with Price Tag. I just love the lyrics! Enjoy the lyrics :) Toodles~

Price Tag

Seems like everybodys got a price,
I wonder how they sleep at night.
When the sale comes first,
And the truth comes second,
Just stop, for a minute and
Smile:)

Why is everybody so serious!
Acting so damn mysterious
You got your shades on your eyes
And your heels so high
That you can't even have a good
Time.
Pre-chorus.
Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (ha)
Can you feel that (yeah)
Well pay them with love tonight... Chorus:
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world change,
Forget about the Price Tag.

Ain't about the (ha) Ka-Ching Ka-Ching.
Aint about the (yeah) Ba-Bling Ba-Bling
Wanna make the world change,
Forget about the Price Tag.

Verse 2.
(Listen, Okay.)
We need to take it back in time,
When music made us all UNITE!
And it wasn't low blows and video Hoes,
Am I the only one gettin... tired?
Why is everybody so obsessed?
Money can't buy us happiness.
If we all slow down and enjoy right now
Gurantee we'll be feelin
All right :)